The Reverse Pygmalion Paradox
by Bartimus Crotchety
Summary: Penny wakes up after a lost night of drinking with a surprise visitor with her in her bed. What really happened? Only one person knows, and he's got an eye twitch. A Penny/Sheldon fanfic. Nothing graphic is planned, the rating is for my peace of mind.
1. Chapter 1

I am an author who mostly works with Harry Potter fanfiction, but there is this show pairing that has really grabbed my imagination and refused to let go until I did something about it. That show is The Big Bang Theory of course. What has really captured my attention is the strange symbiotic love/hate relationship between Sheldon and Penny. I have read all the fiction the net has to offer about this pairing and with few exceptions I felt portrayals of Sheldon were AU. I decided to write the implications and the fall out that would occur if these two did manage to get it together. I'm not extremely comfortable with Penny's POV, but I tried to be true to what I think her thought processes mightt be. I will try to post a chapter a week if I can, I don't foresee more than six at the moment. I hope you enjoy it.

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**The Big Bang Theory**

**The Reverse Pygmalion Paradox**

**Chapter. 01**

_**Tuesday 4:03**_

Penny awoke in the half-light that was coming from her bathroom door cracked with the light on within. She always did that when she had a man over for the first time.

She stretched feeling the satisfying sensation of a night enjoyed. She could not quite remember whom it was she had entertained, but she heard some soft breathing behind her. Something was nagging in the back of her mind, some important fact was screaming for attention, but it would not make itself known clearly. She had a lot to drink the night before; her muddled brain was a familiar condition these days.

-

She was not going to occupy this apartment much longer after all. It had been a tough year and a half, most of her dreams had crumbled and she was ready to head back to Omaha with her tail between her legs. She felt the familiar wave of defeat that had become an accustomed part of her life. She now realized the only reason she had stayed in California as long as she had, was the neighbors. Leonard was sweet, he was at times the best friend she had ever had, and when he was not mooning over her and looking for ways to get, further into her life he was one of the few bright spots in Pasadena for her. Wolowitz and Raj came with the package and they had their moments, but surprisingly the one she would miss the most was that tall geeky bastard Sheldon.

No one had ever challenged her as he had. She considered it a gantlet thrown down just to remain friends with him. He was neurotic, offensive, compulsive and made her want to throttle him while simultaneously causing her to wish he could relax his defenses long enough to give him a hug. (Which he could use the practice if Christmas was any indication?) When she had made the announcement to the guys two nights ago, Leonard had been devastated, Raj looked mournful and had whimpered good bye to her. (It was sweet in a pitiful Raj sort of way.) Wolowitz had made the comment that she had just a few more days to ride the H-train and go kosher, how about it. She saw him earlier yesterday and the cotton swabs packing in his nose looked smaller, he would be able to breathe normally by the end of the week.

Sheldon was the one that really disturbed her, as usual. He almost acted as if he cared!

He took the announcement in stride at first; it was Halo night after all. Soon after, when the present round was completed in the game, he suddenly launched into a diatribe about famous scientists and their improvements to the world after years of failure, the consequences to modern society if they had given up. He detailed in eye-rolling intricate detail the myriad ways he had observed that Penny had retreated from challenges in the past. Most maddeningly, he with a familiar smugness remarked that she was most likely running out on their battle of wills before she had to admit defeat. That caused her to give him the "Junior Rodeo" look of doom that he was obviously asking for. She grabbed the controller from Raj, promptly reducing Sheldon's character into a rain of body parts and blood seven straight rounds while he fumed and shot her his best super villain glare.

She blew him a kiss and said "See ya later, sweetie."

He snorted, "Obviously, not too much later."

Leonard followed her home, and was passively encouraging, as always, unable to express disagreement with a woman. It was sweet but she told him about her lack of call-backs for even lousy commercials, and of the offers she was getting to do porn, (not counting the ones from Wolowitz) and how she was not sure she would keep turning down the money those sleazy producers offered in favor of the measly tips at The Cheesecake Factory forever. He nodded agreement in that Leonard way; his shoulders slumped and looked like a puppy lost in the rain, wishing her happiness and asking her to come over for Thai night one last time, on him. From the look of Leonard, she was certain that Sheldon going to have to adjust to a kitten in the apartment, and she sincerely hoped he was allergic!

She thought that uncomfortable lecture she received in the apartment across the hall would be the last battle with Ichabod for the night at least, but as she was looking in the cabinet for some rum to drink while she packed, there came the dreaded three-knock pattern at the door, with her name called interspersed. She knew his relentless pecking would continue until she gave in, but in a way, she was going to miss that as well.

She grabbed the door and yanked it open, "What?" She demanded giving him the "you put my laundry on the telephone wire" glower. He seemed unaffected, and oblivious. He fidgeted a bit more than usual as he asked her in his normal adolescent self-important voice if she needed a packing diagram to assist her in her endeavor.

"I, from my re-arrangement of your apartment, know what you currently possess and I would be willing to assemble a schematic to aid you in this task."

It showed her state of mind that she almost accepted it, but instead she gave him the irritated look she normally reserved for inappropriate discussion of menstrual cycles and shut the door in his face with a satisfying thunk. In an improvement of her fortunes, he had gone away with no further comment.

-

She felt a hand near her head on her pillow, and she reached up and touched it. It was long and slender, with elegant fingers. Fingers of someone she could imagine playing piano, or writing on a white board with fastidious detail. W_here did that thought come from? She mused._

She turned enough to trace that arm back to the bare shoulder realizing that her suitor was lanky, _and built like a praying mantis. Huh?_

Something was still yammering to her from deep inside her mind. She traced the arm to a bare chest. There was this patch of hair right there between the pectorals that stirred a memory. "No, counter clockwise or my chest hair mats," said a nasally congested voice in her memories.

Terror struck her heart. Her eyes strayed up to the peaceful face still deep in sleep...

"Sheldon?"

-

She was not sure how she had made it out of the bed without waking him, into her bathrobe and across the hall, but there she was with Leonard and Sheldon's spare key jiggling as she tried to fit it into the lock. She finally slid it home and got the door open.

Leonard must have been worried about his apartment mate not coming home (it was Sheldon after all what could he be doing at this time of night?) because he came out of his bedroom almost as soon as she cleared the door. Dr. Stephanie followed him out with a mildly irritated look. Penny could sympathize. Here she was enjoying a night over with her boyfriend and the disheveled looking blond from next door just used her own key to get into his apartment at (oh my god!) 4:15 in the morning!

"Penny?" Leonard asked adjusting his glasses and running a hand through his mussed curls, "what's wrong, you look like you've seen a ghost!"

"I..." Penny tried to start, it sounded like a squeak, and then she felt faint.

-

She had no memory of fainting. The very next thing she could recall was of waking up on the couch. Her head was on a Pillow in Sheldon's spot while her feet were elevated on the other end (Stephanie's doing most likely) and her forehead had a damp cloth on it. The last time she had slept on that couch, Leonard had informed her, Sheldon had almost sat on her head in his dismay. She let a giggle snort, and then curled on her side in misery. Maybe it was in the pillow or the cushions but she smelled Old Spice and disinfectant soap, she began to cry.

Stephanie came into her line of sight. "Oh honey, are you okay. Do you feel cold?" she asked kindly. Penny managed to nod. Stephanie called out to Leonard, "Leonard, I need a blanket, I think she's in shock." She heard him walk off on his errand. Checking for Leonard's location, Stephanie bent down and looked at her in the eyes. "Does this have to do with where Sheldon disappeared to?" Penny responded to the sympathy she saw in her eyes, she managed to nod. Stephanie let out a sigh, "Oh honey, things have gone south have they not?"

Penny buried her face in the pillow and more tears slipped out. "How did you know?" she squeaked.

Stephanie had a wry smile, "You're wearing his Flash t-shirt, girl."

Penny glanced down at the only item of clothing she had on under her robe over her bra and panties. It was an impossibly long red t-shirt with a white circle crossed with a lightning bolt ad a jaunty angle. That confirmed it.

Stephanie was shaking her head ruefully. "How much did you have to drink?"

"A little?" Penny explained weakly.

Stephanie mulled that over. "I can't imagine there is that much alcohol in Pasadena." They both exchanged a look and then had to giggle.

"What's so funny?" Leonard said as he came into view with a comforter, in his I'm-sure-this-can- be-resolved-if-we-all-remain-calm voice. Stephanie glanced up as he handed her the dark blue down comforter, Penny accepted it gratefully and wrapped it around her shoulders . Leonard must have caught sight of the shirt she was wearing, because he looked like someone ran over his beloved pet with an eighteen-wheeler then backed up.

"Oh dear god!" he declared in absolute shock, if the chair had not been directly behind him he would have wound up in the floor.

"This is not quantifiable," he mused. Stephanie exchanged a look with Penny. She sighed and unwrapped herself, Stephanie took it and draped around Leonard's shoulders instead. "How...," he trailed off, "What...Sheldon?"

Penny felt for Leonard. Stephanie was talking to him in low tones while she sat in Sheldon's place trying to recall her night in as much detail as her addled brain would allow.

"Penny?" Leonard called out. She glanced over at his face; he was white as a sheet. "You wanna catch us up?"

She sighed, and tried to begin. "Nothing much, I went out with some of my girls dancing tonight, kind of a last hurrah," she started, "and somehow wound up with a tall asexual double PhD with an IQ not measurable by standardized testing in my bed." She finished with a giggle which she was sure was going to crawl into hysteria if she kept going, so she stifled it.

Leonard gave her the shy smile and scrunched his face up as he did when he was trying to remain calm, "could you be a little more specific?"

Penny started again, "I got a call on my cell from The Cheesecake Factory bar that, if I didn't come and get my neighbor, the lady who they were actually paying to entertain at the piano was going to walk out. If that happened Sheldon was going to need a new place to get his Tuesday hamburger. Evidently, Sheldon came in looking for me, and had forgotten to inform the bartender his Cuba Libras were supposed to be virgin, so he was drunk and performing the music from West Side Story. I think I heard him singing _America_ in the background."

Leonard looked confused, "He hates West Side Story, calls it derivative and vaguely stereotypic to Latinos." "Focus Leonard, "Stephanie admonished. "Oh sorry," he said quickly waving for Penny to continue.

Penny sighed as she tried to recall through the haze. "I said goodbye to my girlfriends, and by the time I got there he actually had a full tip jar." She smiled, she did not know why, but the memory of Sheldon belting _Maria _while the paid entertainer fumed and gestured to the manager just made her feel affectionate towards the big goof. She realized she had let her mind wander. "Sorry, still a bit fuzzy. I talked him into coming with, so I could drive him home. When we got to the apartment he couldn't find his key."

Leonard looked incredulous, "Sheldon Cooper couldn't find his key? I'd be surprised if he didn't have a spare taped to the outside of his underwear."

Stephanie hissed, "Image I did not need Leonard." Leonard looked sheepish.

Penny shrugged, "I don't know about that. I was going to let him sleep it off on my couch until you got home, he was pretty out of it by that point, I think he was telling me about the history of the single edged tumble-lock key when I drank my first screwdriver to unwind. Next thing I know, I'm waking up beside him, in my bed, with no idea how that happened."

Stephanie looked concerned. "I think there is an issue here we haven't discussed."

Leonard looked like he was still trying to grasp Sheldon in any bed but his own. He shook his head as to remove a stray thought and asked, "What?"

Stephanie pursed her lips for a moment as if thinking of a tactful way of saying what she had to say. "Sheldon is certifiably nuts," she remarked.

Penny rolled her eyes, "Well, yeah."

Stephanie shook her head, "I over simplified, let me restate. Sheldon has, according one of the charts he pestered me to read, OCD, ASD, germaphobia, and he's definitely a hypochondriac, not to mention someone who is, or was, a virgin who can't stand to be touched." She concluded, "And he's about to wake up in a strange bed."

Penny felt herself tearing up, "He's going to be scarred for life I know it, and it's all my fault."

While Stephanie moved over to the couch and comforted her, Leonard sat in the chair uncomfortably. Penny was hoping this was not one of his jealous pouting sessions. They needed the genius to help them.

He suddenly smiled "What if we move him from the bed to Penny's couch, with his ego he'll just create his own memory."

Penny stared between the two as they shared a knowing look. "Excuse me?" she demanded. Leonard turned to her, "your brain has several types of memory, but memory is fluid so if before a pattern is moved out of short term and imprinted permanently you are moved out of the environment where it was created, there's a chance that the pathway will reset, if he's actually human, that is."

Penny gaped at him, "What?"

Stephanie rolled her eyes at Leonard for over complicating things, "He's basically saying if Sheldon wakes up on your couch, then he'll convince himself that's where he slept. Hopefully it will be less traumatic." Penny threw a pillow and nailed Leonard, "Why didn't you just say that the first time."

He looked embarrassed. "Sorry. I'm not sure we'll be able to move him without waking him up." Stephanie turned to Penny, "Was he totally smashed last night?" Penny nodded, "Oh yeah." Stephanie nodded. "He'll stay asleep, alcohol is still used for anesthesia, with his low tolerance it will do in a pinch."

They went over to Penny's apartment; Stephanie leaned over as Leonard went into her bedroom as quiet as possible. "You're still wearing Sheldon's shirt."

Penny smiled grateful for the reminder, quickly pulling it off and wrapping her robe back around her before Leonard came back. Leonard looked amused as he got within whispering distance. "He's still got pajama bottoms on, I forgot he keeps a spare pair in his satchel just in case."

Penny collapsed on her couch in relief. "Nothing happened then." Leonard looked a little relieved himself, "Maybe not. We won't know until he wakes up later."

They helped Leonard get Sheldon's shirt back on, no easy task as every sound he made caused them to freeze. The finally got it over his head and in place. Penny never realized that Sheldon had muscle definition; she remembered Raj could not beat him at arm wrestling when they played that weird game with the computers at The Factory that time, but she just assumed that was more a case of Raj being weak. Sheldon was not body builder bulky like some men she had been with, but he was nicely built. If only he was less, well Sheldon. As it happened, between Stephanie's experience in moving patients around, and Penny's yoga and farm girl muscle, the two women got Sheldon to the couch, with Leonard in more of a supervisory position. Stephanie winked at Penny and nodded in Leonard's direction, "Asparagus, "she murmured. Penny stifled a giggle while Leonard glared at them.

Stephanie looked suddenly grave. "You can't be here when he wakes up honey. Just write him a note saying you let him sleep, you had some errands to run. If he wakes up and sees you, the memory might come back." Penny sighed, and nodded. After they left, she made a quick run to her bedroom and changed into a pink top and a pair of white shorts, she paused and wrote a little post-it note.

**_Dear Sheldon,_**

**_You had a little too much to drink last night sweetie, so I let you sleep._**

She thought about what she should say. She glanced over at Sheldon still sleeping soundly; silently thanking God that he had a nerd's constitution for alcohol. He looked so peaceful just resting. A wave of shame hit her. If she had been his first, she had stolen something from him. Something precious and irreplaceable, even though they argued all the time, and there were times she wanted to kill him, she admired him in a way, and a wave of affection took her breath. He was just a tall, annoying, fact spouting kid; he did not deserve to lose his virginity to a blond slut who got more phone numbers than call backs from directors. He deserved better than her, if something had happened last night, she was not sure she could forgive herself. She made a silent vow to God. _Please God, let him still be a virgin, I'll stop sleeping around and drinking, I promise!_

She made a decision. Lincoln, Nebraska was going to have to wait; she could not leave until she was sure that Sheldon was going to be okay. If that took a couple of weeks or months, she would stay at least that long. It was called taking responsibility. She bent back to her note, composing a lie in her head.

**_I'll see you later today, I'm going to be around a little while longer because the Landlord told me they would take me to court if I break the lease, and I can't afford that right now. I had an audition this morning, and I'm going to take an evening shift at The Factory, so I should be there when you come in with the guys for your usual Tuesday burger. Feel free to stay in my apartment as long as you need to. If you rearrange anything, I will break your fingers._**

**_Love,_**

**_Penny _**

She placed the note where he would see it when he woke up. She on an impulse crossed and bent down kissing him on the forehead. "Be okay sweety, please?" she said softly. She crossed to the door and left the apartment pulling it gently shut behind her.

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**next time...**

Will Sheldon be okay? How will Penny handle it if he is not?


	2. Chapter 2

I am finding that writing Sheldon is fascinating as a challenge. His mind is such a labyrinth! I am admiring Jim Parsons more and more as an actor that he can portray such a **damaged** individual and make him so likable that people can conceive of someone falling in love with him which is why people want these two together so badly. Kaley Cuoco is absolutely brilliant as well, in her own way the Penny character is as deeply damaged as Sheldon, and just as fragile, but she manages to imbue the Penny character with such an inner light and toughness on the screen that when she and Sheldon butted heads in The Panty Pinata Polarization her coming out on top did not see so far fetched! These two have such a sizzle even just writing them in fanfiction because of the ground being covered on screen.

I hope I managed to reflect some of that light in this fic.

Bearing in mind I do NOT own these characters and I am NOT earning any money here.

Enjoy!

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**The Big Bang Theory**

**The Reverse Pygmalion Paradox**

**Chapter. 02**

_**Tuesday 8:00am**_

That day was like many she had been through since she came to California. She knew of two open auditions that she had originally intended to attend on her way out of town as last shots at stardom. Instead, she went to them knowing she was working that night.

While other beautiful actresses recited their lines to themselves, and read through the script with other girls they had become acquainted with, Penny sat there a bundle of nerves. She had asked Leonard to send her a text as soon as he talked to Sheldon, but there was still no word.

She just could not get Sheldon off her mind. The idea that she, a junior college dropout and one of thousands aspiring starlets (a dime a dozen in this city!) could have done permanent damage to one of (according to the guys, when they weren't pissed at him, which wasn't often) the greatest intellects of the western hemisphere made her feel sick inside.

When her time came to give her reading, she did the best she could, but she knew she was not into the moment as method actors were supposed to be, so she was sure her reading was flat. After they announced the next round of auditions and her name was not among those called, she headed for the door with all the rest of the dejected actors.

She got to her car and started it, she looked down and the blinking red check engine light was still blinking, it reminded her of one of Sheldon's rants, she felt the tears begin to flow. She leaned down, rested her forehead against the steering wheel, and bawled. Suddenly she felt a vibration from her purse. She nearly broke the zipper getting it open, fished out her phone, and read the screen.

_Seems normal… for Sheldon. See you tonight._

_Leonard_

She started laughing in her relief. Why was she so emotional? Suddenly she could hear a pompous voice saying through her door after she had slammed it in his face, "clearly I'm fourteen days too early," and she laughed even harder.

There was warmth inside her heart that she recognized. It only happened when she was beginning to fall for someone, or at least when she realized that she already had. She glanced at her blotchy, tears saturated face with its mascara streaks and shocked eyes in the rearview mirror.

(Holy crap on a cracker! When did this happen?)

_**6:21pm**_

Her boss at The Factory was overjoyed when she asked for a shift. The servers knew what night it was, and he was afraid that in her absence, he would start having a rash of sudden illness on Tuesdays. It had worked in her favor more than once. She always knew no matter how bad business was she could always get a shift on Tuesday nights when she needed some extra cash.

She kept watch on the clock. She trusted Leonard's judgment when it came to Sheldon, but she needed to see he was okay for herself. She knew that 6:30 on Tuesday night, if all was well, this table kept empty on her station by the host, would have four nerds seated at it, arguing.

She went to the restroom a moment to calm herself. Suddenly she heard a voice in her head, "Let's say I go to dinner alone, and I have to use the restroom, how do I know someone's not touching my food?" She had to giggle a second. She splashed some water in her face and blotted it on a paper towel. Took a deep breath and slipped out.

She could see by the eye roll of a server that passed her that at the very least Wolowitz was here. As she came into view of the table she saw there were three men arguing in low tones, but none of them were removing silverware from a hypoallergenic baggy.

_Where's Sheldon?_

"That's preposterous!" Leonard was saying, "Presuppose that Wonder Woman uses her lasso to tie men up for questioning purposes, that doesn't necessarily mean she's into bondage!" Howard waggled his eyebrows at Leonard, "that doesn't rule it out either!" Raj was getting ready to respond but his response turned into a yip when he saw Penny. She rolled her eyes at that grabbed Leonard's shirt and gave him a pointed nod to the side. He got up and followed her.

"I thought you told me that Sheldon was acting normal…well for Sheldon?"

Leonard fidgeted uncomfortably. "Well he seemed normal. He was insufferable, arrogant, and self-centered, that is normal. He just decided he needed to finish a project, so I was going to bring him back take out."

She gave Leonard her meanest glare poking his chest to emphasize her points, "Well he's not here, and it's Tuesday night, when have you ever known him to break his food schedule? You do know the meaning of normal, right genius?"

Leonard squirmed under her intense scrutiny. "I really didn't give it any thought outside of that I wouldn't have to deal with him for a couple of hours," he explained weakly. She was furious. She knew saying Sheldon was difficult was like saying a Rottweiler could be irritable, but taking off and leaving him alone after last night? She spun and went into the wait station before she could do Leonard bodily harm.

Molly, the new blond server most likely brought in to replace her, and who had not met Howard yet, was there. "Hey Molly, would you like a guaranteed tip table?" Molly perked up, "Really?" She felt a little guilty, but Howard did always tip very well, she did not want to think about why. "Take the three who just came in for me, if you show some cleavage to the creepy Jewish guy, he'll leave a twenty." Molly grinned and unbuttoned her blouse a button before heading out.

One short conversation with her boss, and a few call backs to finish with her remaining tables and she was on her way out the door with takeout box containing a BBQ Bacon Cheeseburger with onion rings, everything on the side in individual containers so they wouldn't touch on the way. She would not even look at Leonard as she left. He was sooooo on her shit list!

_**7:21pm **_

She arrived at the building, suddenly feeling nervous. Would things be weird? Of course, they would be weird, it was Sheldon, but in a, we just crossed a line into something bigger, how do we deal weird? She walked up the three flights to the fourth floor; she kept seeing those places that she had had conversations with Sheldon. Such as, the time he had tried urban slang talking to her about Stephanie and Leonard, those times at the mail box she cornered him asking him questions, those nights when Leonard was trying to date Leslie and left Sheldon out on the stairs like some tall aggravating tie on the door. She especially liked the memory of that sweet moment when she saw the realization in his eyes that laundry night was not going to go as planned. (Knuckle under my ass!) It was all in a swirl of images as she ascended.

_Where in all of those times he annoyed the crap out of me, did I start liking him?_

She reached the landing, and crossed over to 4A. She hesitated at the door. What if he remembers? Do I want to spend the rest of the night discussing the affect of alcohol on biological imperatives or some such shit? She thought of him sleeping so peacefully in her bed. "Yeah I owe the bastard," she murmured.

She knocked and there was no answer. "Sheldon?" After three more knocks, there still was no answer and fear was gripping her heart. She pulled out the spare key she had just used that morning, fitted it into the lock and opened the door.

She was not sure what she would see, but him sitting in his spot staring off into space was not what she was expecting. The television was dark, his laptop closed on his desk, and he did not even have a pad and paper in front of him. He was sitting there in that same blue Superman tee shirt with the green sweater shirt underneath combination that he was wearing the night of "The Great Laundry War of 08" staring into space. "Sheldon, sweetie, are you okay?" She asked.

He turned to her slowly, like it was taking an effort for him to move. "Oh, hello Penny, I seem to be operating within correct parameters." He turned back.

She sighed, (no wonder people think he might be a robot!) "Alright, I heard… you're okay...so." She crossed to him, was careful to go around the table not in front of it (another of his rules) and placed the container in front of him.

"One BBQ Bacon Cheesburger, with BBQ, bacon, and cheese on the side, nothing is touching, onion rings have double breading and are crispy like you always ask for."

He gave her a strange look. She thought she was familiar with all his looks but she had never seen this one before. "Weren't you working tonight?" he inquired. "I don't believe in your current financial situation, with the impending move, missing work is something you should be doing."

Penny knew a brush off when she saw one, but she saw this for what it was. "You need to eat Sheldon," she said in her stubborn tone to let him know he was not going to run her out crossing her arms defiantly. He gave her the "super villain" glare, she countered with her best "junior rodeo" finally he sighed and got up to walk to the kitchen for clean silverware and something to drink.

"Have you eaten?" he asked suddenly.

She looked up at the man standing in the kitchen; he had a very un-Sheldon considerate expression on his face. "Sweetie, you're freaking me out."

He looked confused, "I just inquired to your gastronomical status, and I see no correlation between that and you being…freaked out?"

She hid a smile with her hand then responded, "I could eat." He looked thoughtful, then got a plate out of the cabinet and brought it back with him along with a knife and two cans of Diet Coke.

She watched him as with precise strokes he divided the newly assembled burger to two equal parts and with a calculated accuracy gave her exactly half of the onion rings. She had a sudden urge to reach out and touch his forehead to check for fever.

He paused before eating his half, "do you see any inequalities to your portion?"

She shook out of her shock, "No, sweetie, I thought you didn't like anyone touching your food."

He gave her that familiar eye roll that used to make her want to throttle him, "If it is on your plate, then it can no longer be thought of as my food, correct?"

She smirked, "I'm thinking." He gave her a condescending dismissive glance before continuing with his portion. She relaxed and started her half.

She had her first portion in her mouth, chewing in enjoyment when he asked, "Question, do you have any idea how my underwear got turned inside out while sleeping on your couch?"

She nearly choked, after she managed to get that bite down. She sputtered, "What?"

He was giving her that creepy look reserved for when he occasionally tried to be funny. "I just made an inquiry, I am drawing no conclusions."

She knew she should lie about it, and she knew that with his condition, the truth might be more harmful than lying, but he was sitting there with a quizzical look on his face, so innocent, she just could not tell him anything but the truth. "Sheldon, I woke up this morning with you in my bed, I don't know what happened." He stared off into space a moment; it was then that she saw the twitch. He had a secret.

She sighed; she so did not want to have this conversation with Sheldon. "I am sorry about last night. I've decided to give up drinking because of it, but it's too late to fix last night. I hope you're going to be okay sweetie."

He stared off to the side for a moment, "I will be fine. The, I believe appropriately called, hang-over this morning was quite pervasive, but I am improving."

Penny smiled; maybe he was going to be okay.

She reached out and gently brushed hair away from his forehead, he flinched but not as much as she expected. "I'm so relieved I have been worried about you all day."

He glanced at her a moment, and she saw that little tick. Whatever the secret was, he was not ready to share it. She could wait.

They ate in silence, which for Sheldon was extraordinary. He may be okay, but he was still off his game. She wondered how Leonard had missed it. After they finished, he got up, disposed of the container and empty drink cans in the trash, and she watched him wash her plate in the sink. When he was not being weird old Sheldon, when he was doing some task that kept him occupied she realized that he was kind of cute. She had been so busy being appalled, or angry (On a couple of occasions homicidal!) that she missed the little things, like just how meticulous he was about his grooming, how carefully he moved through his environment. How he always seemed to place his feet down carefully, and he never brushed up against anything he passed. It was the movements of someone hyper aware of his settings all the time. She was beginning to understand how incredibly complicated it must be to be Sheldon. To think about everything, to micro manage all aspects of your life down to the point of the number of onion rings you have on your plate. It was no wonder he never seemed able to relax and roll with a new situation. He even over complicated lying! To her, that was the odd little quirk she found most endearing.

After he put the plate back up, he paused and leaned against the sink, like he was debating something in his head. She just waited him out.

"I need to request your assistance in one of my endeavors," he stated, with his back to her as he said it.

She had no idea what was next, so took the plunge. "What's that?"

"A few months back, my boss Dr. Gablehauser and I had a disagreement. I can only assume he objected to something I said."

Penny sighed, "What did you say Sheldon?"

Sheldon tapped his long fingers on the counter which was something she had figured out he did when he felt guilty about something. "I merely suggested that he might not be suitably evolved enough to head up a physics department, he might want to change his specialty to paleontology. With his parentage he would already have a leg up."He turned to see Penny giving him a blank stare. He rolled his eyes in that old Sheldon way, "Paleontology is the study of early man, you would know them as cavemen."

Penny caught on, "You called his parents cavemen?"

Sheldon sighed, "No I called him incompetent."

Penny giggled, "Sheldon, you called his parents cavemen to tell him he was an idiot?"

Sheldon looked bewildered; she thought he looked more human when he was confused. "When you put it that way, I guess that might not have been appropriate," he mumbled to himself.

Penny needed to get him back on topic. "So you insulted your boss's ancestry. Go..."

"Part of Cal-Tech's funding comes from occasionally providing technical help on movie sets. Dr. Gablehauser knows how much I detest such things, so he assigned me as a script consultant for this movie on Erwin Schrodinger; it's supposed to be like _Beautiful Mind_ but with a wife and a mistress, since he traveled with both. I have no idea why that would be appealing. I mean I could see his work with Einstein being noteworthy, but why the two women subplot? I thought the whole endeavor was over-romanticized drivel, personally."

Penny had to refocus him again. "Oh that's right, he was the cat guy!"

Sheldon rolled his eyes, "When you say it like that, he sounds like a mutant, or a hybrid, recombinant DNA research has not advanced that far, I read a paper on it..."

"Sheldon!"

"Right, he's the "cat guy". Gablehauser thought that giving me a project in which I could correct people would keep me busy for the immediate future, and keep me out of his office. I was finished in less than a week."

Penny shook her head in confusion, "I'm sorry, were do I come in?"

Sheldon started fidgeting. "Incomprehensibly, the movie actually got green lit. I never anticipated that in a million years. It so happens that the producers used my reputation and credentials to get the movie made. They made it seem as if they had a pet genius working on the script when all I did was give them the right equations to write on the board in a couple of scenes, you know when he's not lamenting his ill-fated love triangle that is."

He paused and gave her a rare moment of direct eye contact. "So now they are trying to get financiers lined up to invest, the method they are using to accomplish this, is a period themed black-tie dinner at the Palm Terrace Ball Room at Castle Green this Friday night."

"So you're going?" Penny ventured with a shudder thinking of innocently blunt, abrasive Sheldon in an ugly plaid blazer turned loose in the sea of huge fragile egos and sharks present at a Hollywood party.

Sheldon sighed, "Dr. Gablehauser has made it clear that, not only am I to show up, but I have to make a good impression, or I will most likely be out of a job. There seems to be a consensus that the movie's appeal stems from my fitness as the chief consultant. Believe It or not, there has been rampant speculation about my sanity over the years."

Penny could not help herself, "No!"

He shot her a look. "Sarcasm?"

She smirked.

He glared dutifully, and then continued. "Gablehauser is quite certain that the fact that one of Cal-Tech's most powerful board members is an executive producer and is partially financing this movie would give him the power to get rid of me once and for all if I in anyway embarrass the University. He told me as much."

Penny saw Sheldon's shoulders slump. Here was one of the most brilliant men in the world and he was looking at losing his job because he was simply too honest and naive for politics. Dr. Gablehauser had him maneuvered right where he wanted him.

She could see where this was leading. The implications were not lost on her, but she still felt responsible for last night. (I owe him.) "So, you want me to go with you?"She ventured cautiously.

He nodded, "It will give you the chance to meet some people in the movie business, at the very least. Who knows, you might get the break you need to stay in California."

He broke eye contact, suddenly finding something interesting to study in the vicinity of his shoes, crossing his arms defensively. She knew the body language from her association with the nerds. Sheldon was anticipating her rejection.

_He said stay. He wants me to stay_.

She suddenly realized, that little statement embedded in his request, was as close as he could come to admitting he was going to miss her if she left.

Here, standing in front of her, was a man so wrapped up tight inside his own head, he could not admit to missing someone. For all of her admiration of his intelligence, she felt an overwhelming wave of pity.

She got up off the couch, walked into the kitchen stopping a safe distance away. (As Sheldon's mother had told them to do, so she would not spook him)

"Awwww…Sheldon, I'll go with you, but only because I want to help you. I don't care if there are any Hollywood people there."

He looked appalled, "You…help me?" he snorted. "How do you propose to do that?" he said with an arrogant tone, placing the emphasis on you, as if the thought that she could help him was impossible to imagine.

She felt an evil smile touch her lips, "Oh sweetie, its makeover time."

He backed away a couple of steps, looked like as if she had just told him he was going to be stranded naked in Death Valley with no sunscreen. He belligerently waved her off. "I was merely suggesting your accompaniment for the sake of your career. I see no sufficiently logical reason to change my apparel."

Penny lost her temper. (Spooking him be damned!) "Oh no, you're not going to weasel out this time!" He looked up with a deer-in-the-headlights look on his face, as she stepped forward deliberately crowding him, backing him up against the cabinets. She let him see the determination in her eyes from inches away. "Sheldon, if you want my help, this is one of those non optional social conventions, got it?"

He sighed, his shoulders slumped in defeat. "Oh, very well, make it so."

* * *

**Next time...**

Penny has to find a way to make Sheldon presentable...mission impossible?


	3. Chapter 3

I originally thought that this chapter was going to part of something bigger but I was surprised at how much it took off with a life of it's own! Sheldon and Penny are two very strong willed individuals, they seem to instinctively know where the other one's weak spot is. All that accomplishes is in making them better at defending themselves against everybody else. It is odd that these two persons on such a differing IQ have found a nemesis in each other. If you write them in full argument mode and do it correctly it really writes itself! I'll still take credit though! LOL! There is however this warning. In a couple of places Sheldon's dialogue really gets long and wordy, I tried writing the sequences other ways but they turned out OC. I guess you have to except a certain amount of verbiage when you are writing dialog for a man with a 187iq! right?

* * *

**The Big Bang Theory**

**The Reverse Pygmalion Paradox**

**Chapter. 03**

_**Tuesday 9:43pm**_

Penny was safely back in her apartment. She had not been there since that morning. Oh what a morning that had been!

She settled onto her couch, putting her feet up on one of her packed boxes. She had in her hand a contract. She stared at it with a weary resignation. After Sheldon had asked for her help, (And made it seem like he was actually helping her, the big Jerk!) and reluctantly agreed to her picking out his attire, he had immediately sat down at his laptop and pulled up a blank contractual document template. Seriously, who writes contracts so often they have them stored in their quick document file?

-

"This will ensure that I follow through with our agreement, and that you don't overstep your boundaries in your expectations, also so there will be no need for maternal interference." He informed her in that finicky patient tone that made her want to smack him in the face with a pillow. (That had really been satisfying the last time!) She now had until Friday night to help Sheldon (a veritable social Armageddon waiting for a location) not embarrass himself or the university in a large group of people whose biggest enjoyment out of life was in pointing out others shortcomings. Easy Peasy!

They had battled back in forth for the next hour just the two of them, after a text message from Leonard informed them that he, Wolowitz, and Koothrapali had decided to see a movie while they were out. (She knew that Leonard was trying to avoid her, and since she was still pissed at him, he was not being paranoid!)

She had nearly walked out on Sheldon several times in that hour, but every time she decided to give up and leave him to his fate she saw his peaceful, sleeping face in her mind's eye, and felt that guilt all over again. He was being, as usual, an anal, fussy, pompous ass about the whole contract thing, but she could tell from little things he did that he was still concentrating to hold himself together. (When he knocked over his pencil jar twice, and had to re-sort them in the appropriate order of lead hardness, his hands had a nearly unnoticeable tremor in them.)

One of the things that nearly sent her to the door was three paragraphs down.

He had turned to her and raised that Spock eyebrow, "We need to discuss your attire as well."

She glowered at him, not believing his nerve. "What?" she blurted.

The jerk did not even flinch. "I have observed over the last year that you seem to be overly fond of a certain style of clothing.

"What's wrong with what I wear? I buy good stuff!" she bellowed.

He gave her that patient I-know-I'm-going-to-have-to-explain-this-more-than-once sigh. "My objection with your clothing is not a matter of quality, but of quantity."

Her mind clicked on what he was saying. "Are you saying that I dress like a slut?"

He cocked a wry eyebrow. "I have never passed a prostitute wearing Hello Kitty, but otherwise, that correlation would be apt."

She was chewing the inside of her lip and looking for a blunt object. (Guilt be damned, this man is going to be limping tomorrow!)

Suddenly, he said in an absent-minded voice as he tapped the end of a pencil eraser against his cheek, like he was just ruminating on a problem off the whiteboard instead of her choice of clothing. "You know, I have no cognitive process to explain why someone so attractive, who is so good at Halo 3, and who can match wits with me to the extent, that she forced me to override the remote on a cherry picker from down the street and bribe a passerby to retrieve her laundry at 9:45 at night, would insist on wearing things that make her look…common."

She was flabbergasted. _Did he actually just compliment me? Holy crap on a cracker! _

What she wound up saying was, "So that's how you got my clothes up there, you hijacked a cherry picker?"

He flinched, and then mumbled, "You didn't hear that from me."

She had to smile at that. "Okay sweetie. I'll run my choices by you, as long as you only get five vetoes. Otherwise, we will never get to the Ball, because Prince Charming is Anal-Retentive."

He spun far enough to give her a glare, "Freudian psychology is extremely outmoded, in the same vein as Astrology by the way, and I am not anal retentive." She smiled cutely and flashed him her dimples. He glared before dismissing her and turning back to the contract on the laptop screen. He put in a line about his only getting five vetoes while she watched.

She laid a hand on his shoulder and leaned in saying in his ear, "Good boy!"

He gave her a disgusted look. "Condescension is unbecoming a lady." She gave him her best pouty face, "Awww…but you just pointed out, I'm not a lady." He gave her the irritated glare she wanted.

She pointed him back to the screen. "We need to write something about you learning to dance."

He tensed up. "That will not be necessary. I know how to dance."

She let out a snort. His neck and ears were turning red.

She gasped in shock. "You mean it! When did you learn how to dance?"

He made a notation on the pad in front of him and remarked, "I taught myself, there was an internet course and I was bored."

She sighed, "So you never actually danced with a partner, right?"

He glanced at her irritated, "The skills are transferable. What about your dancing skills? I seriously doubt a black tie party will have very much "grinding" going on."

It was her turn to glare, "I've done Music Theater, smart ass. I know how to dance," she could not resist adding a dig in a wide-eyed breathy voice, "I even danced with live people!" He rolled his eyes at that.

"Well," he concluded, "that is fairly comprehensive, I think we can print this out and sign it."

She gently moved his hand away from the mouse. "Not so fast Sheldon."

He stared at her perplexed while pulling a baby wipe from the container on his desk. "What could we have possibly missed?"

She sighed. "Well wiping your hand with disinfectant right after it's been touched by someone is a good example."

He paused cleaning. "I don't know where your hand has been. What does that have to do with this situation?"

She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to think about a nice way to say what she needed to say. Finally, she bent down so she was eye level with him in his desk chair. "Sweetie, we need to teach you how to pass for human."

He looked even more confused. "Is that a necessity?"

What followed was one of the most difficult conversations of her life.

There was no way she could teach him what was right and wrong about social interaction in two days! The only choice she could see was to teach him to act as if he was normal. The big obstacle to that, was that she trained in Method acting, which took having actual emotions to draw from. Sheldon was not likely to have a rich source of those. She needed to talk to her acting coach tomorrow, while Sheldon was at work, about how to get around that obstacle!

They agreed that they would work on his social interactions after he came home from work tomorrow night, then she would pick him up after her lunch shift on Thursday for "costume" with Friday being reserved for any lingering issues.

She felt worn out by the time all the haggling was done. She eagerly signed four places and initialed twelve different clauses. Sheldon quickly scanned the document to give her a copy. She accepted it and they stood there at the door awkwardly.

"Sheldon, before the guys get home, do you need to talk about last night?" she inquired.

She saw his eye twitch. "Not at this time."

She sighed wearily, "Okay, when you're ready, I'll be here."

He gave her a curiously shy glance, "I was under the impression that you were leaving for Nebraska when your lease is up, that's occurring next week."

She gave him a cryptic smile. "Plans change. Good night Sheldon."

He looked away. "I hope your sleep is adequate as well."

She turned and left without another word.

As she was pulling the door shut, Leonard was coming up the stairs, their eyes met. She stopped and crossed her arms, giving him the glare he deserved.

"Oh hi there," he stammered.

She arched a finger toward him to come close. He reluctantly complied. "You called that normal?" she hissed jerking a thumb toward the apartment he and Sheldon shared.

Leonard scratched the back of his head bashfully investigating the floor tiles. "He was when I left."

She closed in invading his personal space, it did not alarm him as it did Sheldon but it did make her point. "You watch him closely, and be ready to talk if he needs you too, and let me know if there is any change or so help me, there will be blood!"

He flinched. "I don't know why you're making a big deal of this! It's Sheldon; he's got the emotional depth of cardboard!"

She gave up exasperated and stormed off slamming her apartment door harder than she intended. She stood with her back against the door trying to get herself under control.

_He's right, it's Sheldon, why am I so worried?_

-

It had been a half an hour since she had asked herself that question. She was still sitting on her couch with the contract in her hand wondering what was her deal?

"...Penny...Penny...Penny," came a familiar voice with the usual knock sequence. She walked to the door trying to prepare herself for anything.

She opened the door. "Yes?"

Sheldon was standing there looking nervous. He handed her the Flash shirt she slept in last night. Without another word, he turned and walked back into his apartment. She could tell it was freshly laundered and folded with his precise little contraption. She lifted it to her nose and it smelled like his fabric softener. She stared at the apartment door across the hallway.

"What's going on here?"

* * *

_**Next time...**_Let the games begin!


	4. Chapter 4

I have updated this story quite frequently here lately. The reason is, I went to pull in the fish and I hooked a Marlin! This wasn't a plot bunny, it was a plot Mastodon!

Penny needed her own resources so I took the liberty to give her some. I have a lot of OC's in this chapter but I think they are reminiscent of persons a burgeoning young actress would find herself associating with. Admittedly they might be a little tad stereotypical, but I think I followed the example set by the writers of BBT and made them people you laugh with and not at.

I also got in a scene with the guys, they have been a little superfluous to the story but that is because it is about Penny and Sheldon.

The idea Penny comes up with to teach Sheldon mentioned in the last few paragraphs is based on actual fact.

I had a blast writing this I hope you get half the enjoyment out of reading it.

I don't own BBT and I am not compensated so I am sue proof!

_**Bart**_

* * *

**The Big Bang Theory  
**

**The Reverse Pygmalion Paradox**

**Chapter. 04**

_**Wednesday 6:35am**_

Penny left her apartment the next morning earlier than usual. Connie Kleinhoffer was her acting coach and she usually arrived a half an hour early to her studio. If Penny could get there, she would have plenty of time to talk before the rest of the class came in. They were actors after all, and Penny had never known actors to arrive anything less than last minute as a rule.

She was locking her door behind her when she heard the door across open. Leonard came out, upon seeing her he smiled shyly and gave her a little wave, holding his satchel like a potential shield. "Hi Penny, did you sleep well?" He was being his usual endearingly passive self.

She gave him a warm smile to let him know things were okay. "I slept very well Leonard thanks!"

Leonard let out a sigh of relief and relaxed his grip on his bag. "Sheldon! We need to go!" he bellowed back through the open door.

"Be right there, I need to change this tangent," Sheldon called back.

Leonard rolled his eyes. Penny had seen these two enact this same scene many times over the last year or so. "You should have done that last night! You worked on it long enough!" Leonard replied impatiently.

Penny had started by but she paused when she heard that, "He was up late on a night before work?" she inquired.

Leonard nodded absently.

Penny felt her concern renewed. She had never known Sheldon to miss sleep when he had work the next day. (Except that week when she was in his bedroom at all hours during her lost days of Conan Online addiction that is.)

Sheldon came out yawning and closed the door, locking it securely, checking it three times, patted himself down for various items he needed to take with him. He glanced up surprised to see her. "Oh… hello Penny." He gave her what passed for a Sheldon smile and made his way by down the stairs.

Leonard watched him go, then turned to Penny and murmured, "Okay I'm starting to see it."

Penny let out a sigh, "Good, I'm not going crazy." Penny and Leonard watched as Sheldon made the turn in his usual careful way without a sidelong glance to see if Leonard was following.

Leonard spoke, "He smiled. He actually smiled. I'm definitely getting worried."

Penny reached out and gave Leonard's arm a squeeze, "Watch him for me okay?"

Leonard nodded, "Like Wolowitz watches a cheerleading competition."

Penny smirked. "Maybe not that close."

-

_**Wednesday 7:03am**_

Connie was already in the studio setting out props. She was a happy ball of energy with frizzy highlighted hair and long red nails, wearing glasses up in her hair as she whizzed around the room. She could be so focused that Penny could walk right up on her without her noticing. All of the class knew about this little blind spot defect, it was something fun to spring on new people.

"Connie?" Penny called from the door.

She spun a half circle and glanced at Penny over her shoulder. "What is this I see before me, a ghost from Omaha? Did not this wraith just last week declare unto me that she was "through with this valley of dry dreams and its river of tears?"

Penny grinned, "Did you write that?" Connie beamed, "Not yet! In a less Shakespearean argot, what up dawg?"

Penny rolled her eyes at that one. "I need some advice."

Connie sat in a chair and waved for her to take the one across, oddly reminiscent of an acting exercise. Penny had a seat. "Speak, child."

Penny had already covered some ground with Connie about her life. She not only looked to Connie for acting training but the woman had become a dear confidant. Penny, at Connie's insistence, had long ago created shorthand names for people in her life so they could remain anonymous when she mined them for character material.

Connie opened up the Rolodex in her head. "Let me see; is this about Professor Wuss, Little Jew Pimp, or the Mute Maharajah? Her eyes suddenly lit up. "Or is it my personal favorite, Dr. Doom?"

Penny had to smile. Connie had taken a liking to Sheldon without even meeting him. She gave him that name after Penny gave her a rundown of their battles. "It's about Dr. Doom."

Connie clapped her hands together, "Please let me get my codex out. I simply must write any details that will allow me to flesh this man out." Penny nodded, and Connie grabbed a book out of her brightly beaded purse and a pencil out of her frizzy hair. She licked the pencil tip. "Please, proceed."

"It seems that Dr. Doom has gotten into some trouble at work."

Connie chuckled. "But of course he did, please elaborate."

Penny sighed then continued. "He fell into a political trap, and now I have until Friday night, to help him act more like a human being, or he might lose his job."

Connie looked upset, "Poor dear! I bet he didn't even see it coming did he?"

Penny shrugged, "He called his boss a Neanderthal, I'd say he was due some payback."

Connie let out a delighted chuckle and scribbled in her book. "I do like his style!"

Penny smirked, "You would, and I've heard you've done worse to directors over the years."

Connie looked appalled, "You can't believe all you hear, besides that one was a cheating rascal, and he was due for a circumcision anyway. So why can't you teach Dr. Doom to act human? I might add, I think that would be unfortunate if he ever learns, there are too few people like him anymore. Everybody is so rigid and conformist!" She sighed, and then waved Penny to continue.

Penny tried to think up an example to illustrate Sheldon's utter and complete lack of competency concerning basic human interaction. She finally had it. "One time, Dr. Doom needed to befriend someone at work so he could use a certain computer he thought they controlled, so he wrote a flow-chart to teach himself how to make friends, based on a childrens book."

Connie dropped her pencil. "He did what? Oh Penny I simply must have details."

"That was just to give you an idea at what I am up against here."

Connie looked a little disappointed as she scribbled that little tidbit down. Without looking up, she stated, "Have you thought of a British Classic Repertory approach?"

Penny scoured her mind. "What?"

Connie finished scribbling, "You did mention that Dr. Doom is smart right?"

Penny smirked, "He actually told me one time that he would have to lose 60 IQ points before he could be classified as smart."

Connie gasped. "Oh honey, he is precious; you live next door to that and still have problems coming up with character traits and motivations?"

Penny stared at the ceiling and counted to ten. "Getting back the problem at hand," she said pointedly.

Connie was still scribbling in her book furiously, holding a hand up to stop Penny. Then she continued. "Since the evil Doctor is a genius, then he might take to a more cerebral approach than a visceral one."

Penny waved at her, "Hello! It's me; you have to put it on the bottom shelf, Constance!"

Connie smiled graciously. "The British style of acting is based more upon how the character looks how they move and respond, and dress. They work from the outside in. The Method's primary concern, as you well know, is in how that character feels, and is motivated, from inside out. Dr. Doom might not feel the emotions that would allow him to pull off this performance, but he might be able to use that wonderfully intricate brain of his to emulate someone else."

Penny was starting to get the drift. "Give me some examples of British as opposed to Method."

Connie seemed delighted. "Jodie Foster, and Anthony Hopkins in Silence of the Lambs. Do you think that Sir. Anthony really felt the same emotions as a calculating serial killer, who ate parts of his victims? He is a delightful man, so the British approach dictated that he look at the strange way Hannibal talked, stood rigid with his hands clasped behind his back in a manner that made a simple t-shirt look as sophisticated as a tux, how he turned his face into the light so just his inhuman eyes showed. " Connie acted like she got a chill. "He worked on those traits in front of a mirror, and then put them on for the camera like a Hannibal suit. Jodie, however showed in her eyes the pain, sorrow, indignation and pure determination that her character was feeling; she wore it on her sleeve, but then again she had those emotions inside of her to draw from, Sir Anthony, thank heavens, did not. I mean Ted Levine who played "Buffalo Bill" was brilliant too, and he's a method actor but his serial killer was a lot more about sickness than menace."

Penny sat there absorbed in her thoughts. "So if Shel…I mean Dr. Doom memorized the actions of someone else, then he wouldn't need to connect with the emotions?"

Connie clapped enthusiastically, "Bravo! You've got it dear!"

Penny leaned in and they exchanged a quick hug. Before Connie broke the hug, she looked Penny in the eyes. "Why not leave him to his fate. He has caused you no end of aggravation over the last year or so." Penny felt a wave of confusion; she did not know the answer to that question, Connie saw something there in Penny' eyes that caused her to pull Penny into an even tighter hug. "Oh honey, you're in worse shape than I thought."

-

_**Wednesday 9:22 **_

She left acting class with one destination in mind. Ultimately, she had a short lunch shift at The Factory to get too, but she had time for one stop.

Penny was not much of a movie buff, but she knew someone that was. Of course that was like saying Wolowitz had a fondness for breasts. Her next stop was at "Press Rewind" a local video store. She got lucky, because the clerk on duty was Randall Keebler.

She came through the door and saw him in the back replacing rentals. It was easy to see him over the shelves; he was 6'5 or more, with a beard, round glasses, his long dark hair in a ponytail.

"Hey Keebler!" she called out.

Randall glanced up, "Hey beautiful! Sorry, _Wanted_ is still out. That Angie Jolie is a popular chick!"

Penny liked modern movies, but Randall had been trying to get her to watch some of the older movies for some time. She was about to make his day!

She made her way back to him. "I need some advice Keebler."

He gave her a glance over his glasses then went back to work. "What do you need to know?"

She took a deep breath. "I need to know, who the best actor ever in a black tie was."

Randall dropped the DVD case he had in his hand. "You want to know all-time or just movies in the last few years?" he asked incredulously.

Penny knew she was in for a lecture; but she gave him a bright smile, "All-time. Go crazy!"

-

She left an hour and half later after talking Keebler down to just two movies. She had _To Catch a Thief_ and _The Thin Man_ in her hands.

He suggested _Thief_ because of the presence of Cary Grant. "If you want your guy to walk in and command a room, nobody ever did that as well as Cary Grant," Keebler gushed. "This movie was directed by Alfred Hitchcock so the visuals are stunning, and Cary Grant and Grace Kelly lit up the screen, modern nudity be damned they were hot!"

Penny had looked at the cover, "Princess Grace? I used to read a book about her when I was a little girl."

Keebler touched the picture with a reverent awe, "There's no one today that can match her beauty and class, not even Angie Jolie."

They had haggled on several more. The selling point of _The Thin Man_ was when she mentioned to Keebler how she and Sheldon liked to insult one another. He got a look of rapture on his face, "Oh then you've got to watch _The Thin Man_!"

Penny heard the name and said to herself, _Thin Man? Yeah that describes Sheldon!_

There had been this long and drawn out diatribe about William Powell's timing and Myrna Loy's impeccable voice control and wry wit, but it got lost as Penny's patience wore thin. She pointedly checked her watch several times before Keebler got the hint.

She left feeling better about herself than she had in a while. Randall was a good friend, to see the joy on his face when he introduced her to the movies he loved; it made her realize that she had more than four nerds in her life.

"Maybe I am Queen of the Geeks?"

-

_**Wednesday 3:03**_

Her lunch shift was over and she made her way back home. She walked in and wearily stared at the stairs. "When are they going to get that damned elevator fixed?" she grumbled.

She got to the top of the stairs, finally, and entered her apartment maneuvering around boxes in various stages of being packed. Drinking to unwind after her day was such a habit for her, that she had a bottle of Bacardi down off the shelf, and had nearly poured herself a glass before she realized what she was doing. Suddenly she saw in her mind's eye Sheldon asleep in her bed and her inability to remember how he got there and she remembered her vow. With a wry smile, she turned up the bottle in the sink and tossed it in the trash.

She changed into a pink tank top and flower print baggy pajama bottoms; impulsively she threw one of Kurt's white oxfords on top of the tank top so she looked a little less provocative. (I'm not doing this because Sheldon might be right, it's just a little chilly in the apartment!) She popped a bowl of popcorn, and opened a can of Diet Coke before putting _To Catch a Thief _into the player. She had a couple of hours before the boys got home. She knew that it was comic book day, so if she was lucky she might have enough of both movies watched to know the scenes she wanted Sheldon to look at.

It was nearly an hour and half before she looked at the clock again. _I owe Randall an apology! _She was hooked before the movie reached the halfway point. Cary Grant was simply the smoothest man she had ever seen in action, and Grace Kelly's legendary status was well earned! When those two shared a screen, your eye found them instantly.

Once again, she wondered how she was going to get all this into Sheldon's head when her eyes fell upon her computer. She felt a broad smile touch her lips.

_You may be a farm girl, but sister…this is a Sheldon worthy idea!_

She checked her clock and saw that she had a little while longer if they kept their usual schedule. (Sheldon was involved so you could most likely time it down to the second!) She popped _To Catch a Thief _out and replaced it with _The Thin Man_.

She had never laughed so much in her entire life! William Powell and Myrna Loy as Nick and Nora Charles sparkled, bickered, loved, and drank (a lot!) making it all look effortless. A couple of times she was literally howling at the dialogue!

_"I was shot twice in the __Tribune__," _Nick observed_. "I read you were shot five times in the tabloids," _said Nora_. "It's not true," _says Nick_. "He didn't come anywhere near my tabloids."_

She checked the box twice. _Yep, released in 1934, how in the world did they manage to get that by the censors? Holy crap do I owe Randall an apology_!

_**-**_

_**Wednesday 6:30**_

"...Penny... Penny... Penny..." came the expected knocks. (Yep down to the second!)

She braced herself and opened the door. Sheldon was standing there with a bag full of Thai take out boxes in one hand. Wolowitz, Raj and Leonard were standing in the doorway of their apartment watching the scene with more than casual interest.

"I have your usual order, including the extra fortune cookie, assuming you're inclined to join us?" Sheldon inquired his tone making it more of a stated fact.

Penny still had the remote in her hand so she turned and paused the DVD, turned the Television off and tossed it onto the couch making Sheldon wince as the sloppiness of it.

"Did I interrupt a movie?"

Penny gave him a smile intended to push his buttons. "No sweetie, that's your homework."

She closed her door and without the further explanation, or elaboration she greeted the boys as she cruised on by. She glanced over her shoulder and saw Sheldon staring at her door as if the answer to, "what is she up too" could be read on its surface.

She made her way into the apartment waltzed right by Leonard and plopped herself down in Sheldon's seat. (A girl has to have her fun!)

-

Several arguments and half-hearted strike threats later, Sheldon was cleaning up in the kitchen while Leonard, Wolowitz argued about someone called Seven-of-Nine, and her importance to Star Trek cannon. As far as Penny could tell, Wolowitz's argument seemed to center on the size of her breasts.

Leonard threw up his hands, "She's just some T and A to bring in adolescent males, kind of like T'Pau!"

Howard gave him a look like he had just trudged on something sacred.

Raj leaned in and whispered eagerly in his ear. Howard nodded, "Raj is right! What about early Star Fleet uniforms? Hello! Miniskirts, tube tops with black go-go boots?" Howard waggled his eyebrows, "We won't even mention Orion Slave Girls, of course Raj knows more about those than we do."

Raj glared at Harold hard enough to burn through lead.

Leonard looked severely affronted. He turned to the kitchen. "Hey Sheldon, he's macking on Star Trek the original series, aren't you going to jump in here?"

Sheldon glanced up as he wiped down the counter, "I've heard no invalid arguments so far."

Leonard and the boys exchanged glances.

"Okay that settles it, check his room for a large seed pod!" Wolowitz said slyly leaning in.

Leonard and Penny exchanged a worried look. If Howard Wolowitz was noticing, something must really be off!

"Hey Sheldon," Leonard called over, "You want to invite Penny to play Halo3 with us?"

Sheldon finished his cleaning and glanced up, "I have a contractual obligation to work with Penny tonight on our mutual project. I'm afraid teams are not going to be possible, I suggest your game play be solo for the duration."

"Dude, what the hell?" Raj suddenly blurted out, then covered his mouth with shocked eyes.

-

_**Wednesday7:48**_

Sheldon had settled in his carefully appointed chair as Penny sat down on the couch. She still had not revealed her idea yet.

"I'm afraid this is a pointless endeavor, Penny" Sheldon began, "I can't count how many attempts there have been over the years to teach me basic social skills. I have seven journals full of notes and interactions about actions I've done that were erroneous and I still have no clue as to how I went awry."

Penny smiled. _I'm about to rock your world sweetie!_

Sheldon had brought one of his spare white boards over and set it up, per her requests and he glanced at it and her curiously.

Penny formulated the words in her head.

"Sheldon, you know how everybody is always accusing you of being a robot?"

"That has been a common complaint, yes."

"Why don't we use that?"

"I'm not following."

"You told me once that everything in the universe can be explained with Quantum Physics, right?"

"All reality has at its very heart significant commonality, so yes that statement would be correct."

"Why don't we pretend that your brain is a computer, and social interactions are the program? Can you use Quantum Physics to write a program for your brain, like you did that time with the whole Friendship thing?"

Sheldon got the strangest expression on his face, his forehead wrinkled and she could almost hear the hard drive in that huge brain boot up. She knew this might take a while for him to compute so she went to the fridge and got two cans of Diet Coke, and popped another bag of popcorn, dividing it between two bowls. She came back over put the bowls, cans on her coffee table, and sat down on the part of the couch closest to Sheldon. He had not moved a muscle. She felt a tinge of fear that maybe he had finally blown a gasket.

"You came up with this on your own?" he said finally.

Penny shook her head. "I had a friend mention to me about the British school of acting being about technical detail instead of emotion. I had another friend who gave me these wonderful movies that we can use to show you proper social interaction at black tie parties. Then while I sat here earlier, I noticed my computer and said to myself, I wish we could just program Sheldon like a computer. The rest just fell into place."

He turned to her. "Penny, I've never said this to anyone before in my entire life, but that is brilliant."

Penny grabbed a bowl of popcorn and a Diet Coke, leaning back and pulling her feet under her, "I know," she said in her most matter of fact Sheldony tone as she picked up the remote.

His lips curled into a shape they were not accustomed too, he smiled.

-

_**Wednesday11:22**_

Penny decided that she had only thought she knew what genius was. After seeing Sheldon work, she felt humbled.

_How the hell did I ever think I could match wits with this man?_

After their talk, he had left the apartment for a pad and pencil then settled in with his popcorn and Coke.

They had watched both movies quietly and intently, he actually showed signs of enjoyment the few times she glanced over, making notations all the time, sometimes at things she would not think were noteworthy.

As the _The End_ showed on the screen at the conclusion of _The Thin Man_, he walked over to his white board and went to work.

She had been sitting there entranced for the last while just watching him go. He had boxes and triangles and circles with arrows pointing to other shapes, she got lost trying to follow it. He never slowed down, not once until every square inch of the surface was covered.

"This is in no wise comprehensive given my space constraints," he lamented.

Penny just gaped at him.

He stared at the board, changing something in a triangle at the bottom. "But...This is it."

Penny knew she was in over her head, but she had to ask. "How does it work?"

Sheldon pointed at a sequence, he followed it the tip of his capped marker, and then he turned to her.

She saw something amazing happen. His eyebrow lifted wryly and his face relaxed, his mouth quirked into a bored smile, and with a clipped New England accent he said, "Don't worry your pretty little head about it, Doll, It's all under control, all you have to do is sit there and look pretty." He casually propped himself against the side of her entertainment center, "With your face, that's as easy as falling off a log."

Penny clapped enthusiastically as Sheldon's face returned to its usual machine like quality. He turned back to the board to correct a calculation.

_This could work! _

* * *

_**Next Time...**_Dressing Dr. Cooper. Can Penny get him away from super hero t-shirts?


	5. Chapter 5

I can't explain why I am suddenly so prolific, but I'm going to ride it as long as I can. This story idea seems to be getting better and better as I go.

I have every single episode of BBT and I have watched them so many times it's ridiculous at this point. The actors on that show give such nuanced performances that you can watch the same show eleven times in a row and still see something you missed. When Penny and Sheldon go at it, there is so much subtext that even if you turn off the sound the sparks still fly! I have watched several Penny/Sheldon fanfilms on YouTube that show this but the one that amazes me with it's timing and editing, and really shows the volatility of this friendship is Penny/Sheldon Heartbeat by marysullivan. If you have not seen this I recommend you do so. I consider it the unofficial trailer for this fic LOL! The line "Always up for a laugh, she's a pain in the ass" is perfect!

For those of you that read this and wonder if this technology mentioned in later paragraphs does exist, I can confirm that it does. It is used mostly for video games and animated films, but it would translate easily here, plus it got me out of a lot of long drawn out lines about Sheldon trying on this or that, and still leaves the reveal for the next chapter where it belongs.

The personal comments about Sheldon's looks I have absorbed from any number of fanfics, there seems to be some concensus about certain things, so since I am writing in Penny's point of view I am assuming she would notice them as well.

Penny's dress was a combination of two of Grace Kelly's most famous looks, I've watched Project Runway enough to get some of the terms right, but I'm still a bit nervous that the details might be off.

Let no one say I am not confident in my sexuality LOL!

Once again...Me--uncompensated...Mua ha ha you can't sue me!

Not that I would't mind going to court in lawsuit proceedings if I could meet Chuck Lorre LOL!

* * *

**The Big Bang Theory**

**The Reverse Pygmalion Paradox**

**Chapter. 05**

_**Thursday 8:38am**_

Penny had decided that she was picking up bad habits from the nerds next door. This was the third day in a row that she had gotten up before 9:00 and she felt grumpy.

Yesterday leading up to last night had been a success, Sheldon had taken to the social program idea. She was not too happy about the outmoded sexist dialogue he had picked up, but there was no denying the result. He had effortlessly acquired some of Cary Grant's cool, and William Powell's delivery, which was the entire reason Randall picked out those movies.

Truth be known, it suited him very well. She was extremely embarrassed to admit, when he walked and talked like he was doing last night, he was beyond old school smooth, he was charming and dare she admit…handsome?

She was sitting on her couch in her sleep clothes with phone books opened all around her with her head in her hands.

"Did I just admit to myself that Sheldon was cute, again?" she said to the empty apartment. She gazed longingly at the top of her refrigerator where she kept the booze. This was so not the week to stop drinking!

She had listed on a pad in front of her various formal wear shops to peruse, but there was a nagging thought that would not let her go.

_I wonder if Samantha would help? _

When Penny arrived fresh off the bus from Nebraska, she had been looking for jobs and she spotted a _Models Wanted_ add in Variety. It had said no experience necessary so she took a shot. A young fashion designer who was trying to assemble a show had posted the ad, and Penny was the first to inquire.

Her name was Samantha Kestrel, and she was talented, poor but talented. She was desperate for models and had incurred a lot of debt to put on her first fashion show. She and Penny hit it off because both were dreamers from Midwest towns. Samantha was from Manhattan…Kansas, which was her favorite joke to open with at parties. She had an amazing ability and Penny watched as she courted bankruptcy, and then began to make a brand name for herself.

Things had gone sour when Samantha met Penny's then boyfriend Kurt. Penny found them in bed together after an audition suddenly canceled. She eventually reconciled with Kurt. (Big mistake!) She had never talked to Samantha again, she had come to regret that decision missing her former best friend, but pride dictates your actions sometimes. Over the last two years, she had seen Samantha's name in the trades, and knew that she was exclusive now, by appointment only. Penny had not bothered to reconnect, she was one of hundreds of blond actresses vying for a dwindling number of parts and Samantha was a successful businesswoman, why would she want to talk to Penny?

She sighed and tapped the eraser of her pencil against her jaw. "What do I have to lose?" she concluded. She had transferred her phone book from cell to cell, as she changed phones over the years and she scrolled down through the numbers in her directory. _Sam _was still there. She knew there was a slim chance that Samantha still had this number, and if she did not, then there was no way to get her unlisted business.

Penny hit send.

"Hello, go for Samantha," was the brusque reply.

Penny was tongue-tied. She managed to stammer, "Hey there."

There was silence on the other end, Penny checked for disconnection, finally Samantha spoke, "Is this Penny?"

Penny smiled, "Hi there girlfriend, heard you been doing some sewing," she said in a mid-west twang that they had adopted when talking to each other.

"Yeah, a little bit. Why are you talking to me?" was her suspicious reply.

Penny decided that she was going to pull a Sheldon. In this situation, he would just tell the entire truth and let the chips fall where they may. "I am calling you because I am up against a deadline and I need some help. Even after all this time, I just couldn't think of anybody else."

There was a sigh. "You still blame me for Kurt?"

Penny let out a little ironic laugh. "I still blame myself for Kurt."

She could hear Samantha's musical laugh though the phone, "Good answer!"

Penny smiled. It felt so good to talk to Samantha. They had been like sisters and she never realized that cutting Samantha off was like losing a piece of herself. She suddenly felt that piece was back.

"So what can I help you with Pen?"

Penny still could not relax, she knew it was still a long shot, and even though they were talking, the reconnection was still new. "I have a very special friend of mine that I need to dress and take out in Hollywood society. He thinks that a plaid sport coat over a brown sweater vest is dressing up."

Samantha made a hissing noise through her teeth at that. "Yeah that does sound like a dire emergency! Wait a second…you're dating someone who's not a fashion plate?"

Penny did not know how to reply to that. She knew it was too complicated for a phone conversation. "It's in the early stages," she ventured. (Like an embryo!)

Samantha showed she was still her formerly blunt self. "He sounds like kind of a geek."

Penny went for truth again, "He is a geek. He's also a double PhD from Cal-Tech, and he might be one of the smartest men on the planet!"

Samantha was chuckling. "You're dating the anti-Kurt?"

Penny laughed. "Oh yeah!"

Samantha was quiet for a minute. "I'm free this afternoon. I never take appointments the week before a show. Bring this guy by; I've got to see this!"

She gave out an address for downtown.

Penny let out a sigh of relief. "You have no idea what this means to me Sam."

"I just might," Samantha replied in a quiet tone, "see you around 3:00?"

Penny agreed said her goodbye and closed her phone. She leaned back and reflected. This week with Sheldon had really gone in an interesting direction.

She pulled her knees up to her chest covered by the long Flash t-shirt she was wearing.

-

_**Thursday2:45**_

Leaving work early and altering his routine had the result of making Sheldon cranky. Of course, when Penny pointed that out, he denied it.

"A Theoretical Physicist (watch your speed) spends his time figuring out the fabric of the universe. (Dear Lord, hear of something called stopping distance?) We do not get "cranky," he stated crossing his arms belligerently.

"I'm sorry sweetie, did we miss your nap time today?" she replied with a smile.

He shot her a glare and turned back to his diatribe about the myriad ways she was going to get them killed.

She tuned out his drone and concentrated on finding the right street. The neighborhood was very nice; she had very few reasons to come down this particular way. She remembered trying to buy a cup of coffee at one of the shops on this street and balking when it cost about an hour's tips!

"How it is that your friend has a studio on this street?" Sheldon said after pausing mid-rant.

"Are you saying that I can't possibly have successful friends?" Penny shot back irritated.

Sheldon just shrugged. "Of course I'm not suggesting that you can't have successful friends, we're friends after all. I was just commenting on the locality."

Penny rolled her eyes.

She pulled up in front of the non-descript building. It had an art deco fascia that matched the rest of the buildings on the street but it had no distinguishing characteristics. It was the sort of place so exclusive that it felt no need to advertise, because its customers would seek it out.

Penny was beginning to wonder if she had underestimated Sam's success. She was beginning to feel nervous that her former friend was playing some sort of prank on her for revenge.

They exited the car, with Sheldon slinging his ever-present satchel over his shoulder. She walked over to the door, and pressed the button on the intercom beside the blacked out door.

"Yes?"

"It's Penny."

"Good, come on up!"

Penny exchanged a look with Sheldon as the door popped open with a buzz.

They walked up one story stairway lined with photos of people in different styles of clothing. Penny recognized some features that Samantha was experimenting with those years she modeled for her. Several of persons wearing the clothes were faces Penny knew.

She glanced over her shoulder and realized that Sheldon was dragging his feet. "What's wrong?" she called.

He gave her an irritated look, "Forgive me if I'm not exactly looking forward to being poked and prodded and having my person measured like a dress dummy."

Penny smirked. "That's why we're here, to dress you...dummy."

He paused long enough to shoot her a glare. She just chuckled and reached the top of the stairs. The studio was not what she anticipated. Decorated with warm blues, greens and browns, lavishly appointed with mirrors and platforms, it was inviting but business like.

"Welcome to Kestrel Fashions!" Samantha called as she walked out of the back. Penny was happy to see not much had changed. She was still wearing the same glasses, had the same pixie bob to her black hair (with tasteful maroon highlights, those were new) and still wore minimum amount of makeup. She was a little taller than Penny when they hugged but that was from her high heels.

She turned and immediately began sizing Sheldon up.

Sheldon had chosen to wear a bright blue multi-hued stripe knit t-shirt over a grey long sleeved collared sweater with tan slacks, actually one of the better ensembles he had in his collection.

Sheldon felt the scrutiny and he stood there shifting from one foot to another. Samantha turned to Penny. Penny stared back. Samantha gave her the raised eyebrow they used to use when they were evaluating men in a club under their noses. This one meant, "I've seen worse." Penny winked back to say, "Back off, I got this one."

"Excuse me, can we get this over with, I've better things to do with my day," Sheldon called his irritation clear in his voice.

Samantha smiled. "I'm sorry, just catching up with Penny a bit. You must be Penny's friend that I've heard so much about," she said offering her hand. Sheldon clearly did want to shake it but after Penny gave him a pointed glare, he accepted it.

"I'm Dr. Sheldon Cooper. I don't know what she has told you, but I can assure you she is prone to exaggeration."

Samantha gave him another once over, "In this case I'd say she understated things a bit, Dr. Cooper. Would you mind giving us a second to chat?"

Sheldon waved her off dismissively and went to sit in one of the chairs in a small sitting area to the side.

Samantha watched as he checked for cushion density. She glanced at Penny and nodded off toward the room she came out of when they arrived.

Penny gave Sheldon her best, "Behave yourself" glare, he paused from squirting Purrell into his hand to respond with a look of bewilderment as if he thought he was, and she followed Sam into the back.

Penny was not sure what her friend would say. Sam spun around as she came through the entryway. "That's your new boyfriend?"

Penny once again did not know how to answer that question. She settled on, "Maybe."

Samantha beamed, "Well please let me know as soon as you figure it out! That man is adorable! Why didn't you tell me he was tall and lean? You had me expecting Urkel!"

Penny was speechless, and then she blurted, "Sheldon Cooper? That man in there?"

Samantha rolled her eyes, "He's not what you usually go for, Penny, but let me assure you, that man is attractive."

Penny sighed. (Okay let's stop fighting this.) "Yes he's kinda cute."

Samantha gave her a strange look, "When you said that, you had the same expression I did getting my wisdom teeth cut out."

Penny grinned. "You'll understand in an hour."

-

_**Thursday 3:30**_

"That should do it Dr. Cooper. Why don't you get dressed and come on out."

Samantha had sent Sheldon back to a dressing room, and asked him to undress and enter a booth she had back there. He was dubious about it, and almost balked until Penny had insisted, holding their contract over his head. (He was going to regret writing that thing up!)

They went back into the main area to give him some privacy. Samantha walked over to a desk and booted up her computer. She had clicked on a program and waited until the small light at the bottom of the screen lit up. Penny was not sure what the program did but it took nearly fifteen minutes.

"I had this software specially made for me by a man who works for a 3-D animation studio. You might find this interesting," She explained pressing a button.

Soon an image began to build on the screen. It took pictures from the booth and assembled it into a 3-D image.

"Ooooo, I thought he might be a briefs man," Samantha cooed.

Penny looked at the screen and blushed all the way to her blond roots.

Sheldon came out adjusting his clothing and slipping his bag over his head. "I thought you were supposed to be measuring me?" he inquired.

Samantha looked up from her screen, "Oh I measured you honey, don't worry."

Penny snickered. She could not help it. She watched as Sheldon came up to see what was on the screen. She felt a moment of trepidation about his reaction, but as usual, she forgot it was Sheldon.

"The pixel resolution is simply amazing. What kind of mapping software are you using?"

"Custom made, I'm the only fashion designer I know that uses it. One scan and I have your exact dimensions, and I can fit the clothes onto the digital clone a lot faster than I can fit them on you," Samantha explained proudly.

Sheldon seemed entranced, "What is the digital to real life transcription margin?"

Samantha turned to him, as if he had said something very smart. "There's normally a 3.65 percent difference, but it's built in to adjust automatically."

Penny stared at them as they went back in forth, feeling uneasy. (Holy crap on a cracker…Samantha is flirting with him! She's really starting to bug me.) On the heels of that, was the thought. (Why the hell do I care all of a sudden?)

Samantha paused. "Well let me see what we have here, besides nice long legs and a cute butt of course."

Penny glanced over to see that Sheldon had finally gotten a clue, and was blushing.

Samantha opened up a file and pulled out some icons of pants. She pulled the picture over and they fit to the virtual Sheldon automatically. She was talking to herself. "We don't want stud muffin to look like a lollipop, all stick and a big round head, so we need to widen him out.

She seemed to be pulling random pictures up and dressing the 3-D image as she went. She looked up at Penny at one point. "What secondary color do you think would look nice on him?"

Penny glanced at Sheldon who had wandered back to his seat and was reading though some notes he had in a pad. She tried to think of what color he looked nicest in, of course most of what she had seen him in was hero themed t-shirts. She was at a loss, and then she remembered the color she had seen on him most often was green. It must be a favorite color of his. It was also the color of her eyes.

"Try him in green."

Samantha nodded to herself, "He has an under tint to his hazel eye color that green would bring out." Samantha made an adjustment, looked at the result and wolf-whistled. "I think we have a winner!"

Penny looked at the image on the screen. Then glanced up to verify the image was the man sitting patiently in his carefully selected chair and back down again. It was Sheldon all right.

"Sam, you are a genius." She murmured.

Samantha smiled, "That's what they keep telling me. I have everything we need for this look here, the vest is an interlocking silk weave I don't have, but a vendor and collaborator of mine makes it. I can have everything here for fitting tomorrow.

Penny looked down at the image. "Will he actually look like that?"

Samantha winked, "Usually, they look better."

Penny beamed. "I don't know how to thank you."

Samantha got up from her chair and waved Penny to the back. "I have something I think you might have use for."

-

_**Thursday 4:28**_

Penny came out of the back. She felt a little strange. She made her way over to where Sheldon was sitting, by this time he was obviously fuming. He spun to give her a piece of his mind, but when he saw her, she got the rare treat of seeing Sheldon speechless.

She was wearing a gown that Samantha had planned to put into her show the next week, but did not have the room. It was an aquamarine Italian silk, featuring a satin pleated bodice with sweetheart neckline; double wrap sash at waist and "scalloped" edging. She saw in the mirror that the subtle green tint to the icy-blue it made her eyes look even brighter than usual. Her hair was up off her neck. (Samantha's idea.) She only had on the makeup she walked in with, but she felt prettier than she had ever been in her life.

Sheldon looked like he had swallowed his tongue. He looked away as if she was hurting his eyes, and then he had to glance back.

"Well? Do I get a veto, genius?"

He shook his head, gathered his stuff. He managed to mumble, "It's perfection, I'll be in the car." He left like a scared rabbit.

She sighed deeply and long, and sat on the chair he had just vacated, listening to the door shut at the bottom of the stairs.

"How did it go?" Samantha called coming out of the back.

Penny smiled brightly. "I think I overloaded his brain."

Samantha gave her a strange look, "If I didn't know better, I'd think stud-muffin was still a virgin."

Penny blew a stray lock of blond hair out of her face and replied wearily, "God I hope so!"

* * *

_**Next Time...**_The night has arrived.

Will it be a success? Or will it be disaster?

And what's with that eye twitch?


	6. Chapter 6

This is one of the best things I have ever written. I hope you are all in agreement. I could edit on this for days, but I am terrified that I will lose something precious. This was a tightrope walk for me between offering detail and keeping it a character piece, I think I accomplished my aim.

Sheldon's tux was based on one that walked the Runway in New York last spring so if you think it sounds ugly, all I can say is that it was well received.

Castle Green actually exists and has been used in multiple movies dating back to the time period that Penny and Sheldon are simulating. The snappy patter between them comes from watching their show, but also William Powell and Myrna Loy and some Carol Lombard thrown in.

If you've never heard of Carol Lombard do yourself a favor and look her up she may have been the wittiest woman to ever live. For sure she was the love of Clark Gables life!

I hope you all accept this as a fitting climax with just one more chapter to come.

Once again I do not own these two...if I did they would already have had that "special" episode by now!

Hey Chuck and Bill...Nah Nah!

* * *

**The Big Bang Theory**

**The Reverse Pygmalion Paradox**

**Chapter. 06**

_**Friday 4:42pm**_

Penny found herself seated in Samantha's studio for the second time in forty-eight hours. She was wearing the dress from the day before, but Samantha had surprised her with long white silk gloves and a Pearl necklace and earrings to round out the old Hollywood look they were going for. Her hair was up in a complicated bun reminiscent of the ones you see at modern award shows, and one of Samantha's assistants did such a tasteful job on her makeup that Penny had to check in a mirror twice to detect why her eyes were so amazing.

At present she was holding her matching pearl encrusted purse and waiting for Sheldon to be finished.

-

The day before, after she had surprised Sheldon with the dress and he had made his hasty retreat, she took the dress back off and arranged the rest of the details with Samantha. (Included in those details was a special pair of cuff links that Samantha was going to have special made for her.)

She had said her goodbyes and walked out to the car to find an extremely passive Sheldon sitting on the curb with his nose in a portable gaming system, having left before she could give him her keys to unlock it.

He had accompanied her without a word as if nothing strange had occurred. She kept waiting for him to reference it on the way home, but instead he just half-heartedly commented on her endangerment of all motorists on the highway.

They got back to the apartment and she offered to help him study more social programming for the Ball. He quietly assured her that his studies where proceeding quite well, and that she had no need to be concerned.

"But I am concerned sweetie," She blurted, "I'm terrified! You're not acting right and I don't know what's wrong."

He turned to say something to her, but he seemed to lose his train of thought, that or he thought better about what he was going to say. His eye twitched guiltily. "We will have this conversation at a more appropriate time, as it will not help us to achieve our goals for tomorrow night," he had informed her in an unusual patient tone. Then almost as an afterthought, he added, "Please."

Penny's heart nearly broken by his quiet insistence but she let it drop. She wanted to knock him down and find a way to force him to talk about what was on his mind, but she knew that if he said he would talk about it later, he was a man of his word. She would just have to be patient.

She sighed, "Okay, good night Sheldon. I'll pick you up at work for the fitting tomorrow night."

He tried to say several things, but he settled on just giving her a curt nod, and went into his own apartment.

She was not sure how long she stayed in her doorway, before going into her own apartment.

She had cried for a solid hour after she closed the door.

It was so ironic, all this effort to turn Sheldon into something different so he would fit in, and she suddenly nostalgic for the old abrasive Sheldon who left broken egos and dirty looks everywhere he went with an oblivious ease.

She would have given anything to hear another psychotic rant about something inappropriate.

What if she had broken him, and those days when he was uniquely Sheldon was over, and he became just as uncertain and socially aware as the rest of humanity?

The biggest tragedy was that she could not even remember it doing whatever it was that caused this. Suddenly more than anything in the world she wanted to.

After the effort and stress she had been under that day, she fell asleep on her couch before she even knew she was tired.

-

The next day had flown by with her feeling of dread growing. Her shift at The Cheesecake Factory was over before she realized. Her relief (Molly the new girl from the other day.) had to tap her on the shoulder to let her know she could go. She went home and changed into some more comfortable clothes.

She arrived at Cal-Tech and picked up Sheldon at the curb of the visitors parking lot outside of his building. There was an unspoken agreement between them that Leonard and the boys needed to be out of the loop for as long as possible, neither of them wanted the distraction of explaining what was going on, especially when she suspected that neither her or Sheldon had a clue at this point.

He was wearing a red t-shirt with a large yellow lightning bolt on it. It was similar to her Flash t-shirt but it did not have the white circle behind it.

"Is that shirt also The Flash?" she had inquired expecting a lecture. (She actually was hoping for a rant if just to get things back to normal!)

"No this one is Captain Marvel," he replied simply. He did not choose to follow up and explain it further, the ride to Samantha's studio was a quiet one with him staring out the window. She chalked it up to nerves and him trying to remember all of that information he had been cramming into his brain. She wanted to believe that was what it was, of course the fact he had a photographic memory made that explanation invalid.

-

Sam had taken charge of Sheldon when they came in leaving Penny's make over to a couple of the assistants that helped with her runway shows.

Penny knew that Sheldon was flirt-proof but she hoped Sam was behaving herself a little better today than she did the day before. In Sheldon's frame of mind, who knows what would happen if he was embarrassed too much.

"I am good, I am so good I amaze myself," said Sam's voice from behind Penny.

Penny turned around to see her friend with a pencil behind her ear, measuring tape draped over her shoulder and thimbles on both index fingers. She looked a little tired but triumphant.

She was standing in front of the curtain leading back to the dressing room. Penny turned in her seat to give Sam the attention for which she was obviously lobbying.

"May I introduce you to Dr. Sheldon Cooper?" she said waving someone through the door.

Penny had seen the 3-D virtual clone of Sheldon dressed up the day before but Sam was right, the reality was something else entirely.

He obviously had activated what he called a _social interaction sub-routine_, because he strolled out with a lazy confidence, and casually placed a hand against the door frame, then leaned on it his long legs partially crossed in a very slick and calculated manner.

The tuxedo he was wearing fit him like a second skin. The wider notched lapel on the four-button black coat gave him a broader looking shoulder and the coat swept back into small tails at the waist. His shirt was ivory and his bow tie was white, only true color was in the elaborately woven emerald silk vest that hugged his slender frame perfectly. The shoes added a modern touch. Black with white tips they tapered to a point. His normally perfectly parted brown hair now had some tousled touches that made him look carefree and unconcerned, just the right touch of imperfection to set off the flawlessness of the rest of the look. The entire ensemble was classy, cool, and elegant, and Sheldon worked it as if he was born to wear it.

He cocked an insouciant eyebrow at Penny, "So what do you think, Penelope my dear?" he called in a smooth inflected tone like Cary Grant, "Will this do, or do I get a veto?"

Samantha had walked up to Penny, she gently put a hand on her friend's dropped jaw and pushed her mouth closed, "You're drooling," she murmured. She sat down beside Penny, "What do you think?"

Sheldon checked his watch as if he was completely bored with the entire situation.

Penny shook herself out of her shock, "I think you're a genius."

Samantha beamed, "Admittedly, this was one of my biggest challenges, but he does clean up rather well."

Penny turned to Sam. "Did you get those cuff links?" Sam nodded, "My favorite jeweler specializes in novelty items, this is California after all, and he was able to get them done in less time then I thought."

She walked over to the counter where the computer was; she pulled out a key and unlocked a drawer with a lock box in it. She removed a dark velvet jewelry box and handed it to Penny. Penny held it reverently. "I don't know how to thank you Sam," She mumbled.

To her surprise, Samantha's eyes were tearing a little bit. "You forgiving me is all the thanks I need, sis." They hugged.

Penny stood and crossed to Sheldon who looked a little confused. "Here are your cuff links."

He studied her a moment, then opened the box. They were two smooth emerald cabochons in a silver backing; each one had a symbol painted on them in pure silver.

Sheldon lost all cool as he removed them, his eyes showing his awe. "That's the Green Lantern's symbol," he managed barely above a whisper. She thought he would have a conniption as he did at Christmas with the Nimoy napkin, but he got control of it, and held out his cuff for her to put them on for him. She obliged, and he checked them in the light, a new confidence in his eyes.

"I think I'm ready if you are."

Penny held out her glove-clad hand, and he took it.

They walked down the stairs to find a limousine at the curb with an older driver wearing the traditional gray uniform. She glanced at Sheldon, and sure enough, he looked guilty.

"I determined that you going to all of this trouble, and then still having to drive us there was unacceptable. I checked reputable limousine services and this chauffeur has the best driving record and the most commendations for safety in the Pasadena area."

She nearly balked. _What? Did he think I can't afford a limo?_

She afforded him an irritated glance, and then relented when she saw how tense he was.

She offered him her arm. He accepted it eagerly.

_Oh well, so Cinderella is going to the ball in style!_

_**Friday 6:03pm**_

Castle Green was legendary in Pasadena. Penny did not know the history, and Sheldon was too self-absorbed to lecture her so she just enjoyed the sights as they pulled up and a door attendant opened the door for them. Sheldon got out first and turned to her gallantly offering her a hand out of the backseat.

The building lived up to its name, it was definitely a Castle! She did not know any of the architectural terms, or what style in which it was built, but the garden paths lit for the night the elegant furnishings and the sheer opulence took her breath.

They were ushered into the Palm Terrance Ball Room; and were announced at the door as Dr. Sheldon Cooper and guest.

Sheldon was already in character. He leaned in and said in her ear, "Looks like time to mingle with the common folk, you wearing your hip-boots, baby?"

She cracked a wry smile, "Lead the way you big strong man, I'm just an innocent girl after all, and I'm not your baby."

His eyes twinkled as he answered, "Madam, you're about as innocent, as a Politician on pay day."

Penny gave him a little slap on the shoulder, "Oh stop it, complimenting me won't get you anywhere you want to go."

He cracked a smile that was eerily similar to William Powell. "You seem to have plenty of ideas about my intentions."

"Why, are you being intentionally boring?" she shot back giving him a pat on the cheek.

They turned back to the room, and Penny realized that she might have underestimated how good they looked good together. It seemed they had just about all eyes in the room focused on them. She did her best to match Sheldon's confident stroll as they reached their reserved seats.

She had attended more than one of these parties over the years hoping to be noticed. She had begun her waitressing so she could get into these venues. That never worked because most if not of the wait staffs were aspiring actors as well.

She took a flute of Champagne to calm her nerves; Sheldon turned the one offered him down. The last thing he needed was alcohol.

The band began to play some music. It sounded nice, it was not the kind of music that Penny listened to everyday, but it helped her get into character, a good thing because they were under scrutiny almost from the moment they sat down.

"So, how long have you two been together?" asked an austere woman who looked like she had so many face lifts her cheekbones were about to split the skin.

"Long enough," Sheldon replied cryptically.

"Oh?" she inquired one perfectly shaped eyebrow cocked.

"Long enough to be acquainted, but not long enough for the lawyers to get involved," Sheldon remarked with his arm casually around her shoulders.

_I am really regretting letting him watch The Thin Man now._ Penny thought to herself. To the lady she elaborated, "Nearly two years, now. He's still in obedience school."

Sheldon winked at the woman, "Good thing I'm pedigreed, if I was a mutt, she wouldn't breed me."

Penny slapped his shoulder as the woman gasped.

_Okay, it has been confirmed, Sheldon's still in there somewhere._

For the most part, he behaved himself, and he was moving through the conversations following her lead adeptly.

He pointed out an attractive distinguished looking man, who had slick bearing of a used car salesman as Dr. Gablehauser.

The man saw them, and the utter complete shock on his face at Sheldon's attire and his date made all the previous days efforts worth it.

Sheldon leaned in. "What say we go make nice with the good doctor," he said with an eagerness that she did not like.

"Only if you behave yourself!" she hissed back.

"Trust me," he replied.

Penny let him lead her over to say hello. (Be good Sheldon, please!)

"Dr. Gablehauser, fancy meeting you here." Sheldon called out as they walked up, "I wasn't sure you came out of your cave at night."

He made a pained sound as Penny pinched the underside of the arm she was holding. "Don't be silly, Sheldon. He has such a good sense of humor doesn't he?" she said leaning on his arm like she adored him, mean while she was making sure he'd have a bruise in the morning.

She held out her hand to the older man anticipating he was a womanizer from the way he had been eyeing her.

He took her hand gently, "We all know about Dr. Cooper's sense of humor I'm afraid. Your name is?"

Sheldon tensed. "Her name is Penny, and the fact she is currently on my arm, is not a coincidence of vicinity," he informed his boss in a short clipped Sheldon tone.

Penny smiled at Gablehauser, and led Sheldon away before more he could cause more damage.

"Ow! That hurt by the way. Was that entirely necessary?" he inquired in a wounded tone.

Penny glared at him. "Well your arm had to do, because your testicles would have been too obvious."

He was about to retort, but the music turned to a waltz. She grabbed his arm and pulled him toward the dance floor.

"Let's see how you dance with a partner," she informed, she angrily pulled him into the proper form, "Maybe if I can keep you out here long enough, you won't torpedo everything we have been working on all week!"

He held her stiffly at first, trying to figure out where to put his hands. She moved his right hand into the proper position.

They were awkward at first, but as the music progressed, he seemed to get the rhythm, and in spite of her irritation she was starting to enjoy herself.

When she noticed how carefully he moved throughout his environment, it never occurred to her that his precision with the movements of his body in the day to day would translate to ballroom dancing.

He began to take over the lead from her, and she let him, staring into his face from inches away as he moved them around the floor. He had those cute wrinkles between his eyes, as if he was concentrating, and Samantha was right about the green tint in his hazel eyes.

"Just float with the music Sheldon, relax sweetie." She coached.

His eyes found hers and everything around them faded, it was just the two of them in that moment. They made their way around the strangely silent ballroom with a connection that astounded her. He was there, Sheldon Cooper was right there in those eyes, no pretension, no arrogance, just the awkward wunderkind who alienated people because he couldn't stop being brilliant long enough for them to be comfortable. It was a moment of ultimate truth for her; she knew that she would never forget it.

He shut down the connection as the music ended, and his eyes turned away from hers. They broke apart and clapped politely for the band.

"Ladies and Gentlemen," came an announcement from a cultured looking man on the dais, we want to thank you all for coming out. We think that this investment opportunity will pay for itself, but we do not expect you to contribute to this venture sight unseen. We have prepared a script prospectus and a short trailer with the actual actors we are proposing to use, if you will watch the screen.

The screen lowered as they all found their seats.

The trailer, impressively done, and very expensively produced, but as they watched, Sheldon made a familiar scoffing noise several times. To Penny, it looked like a formulaic love story, with the couples on screen speaking dialogue and emoting about how he Schrödinger needed to choose the woman he was going to love. The boards of calculations served as a backdrop for most of the scenes, Sheldon leaned forward when they were on the screen and Penny could tell he was upset.

"They messed up the sequence," he grumbled, "I gave them the calculations with a carefully dictated order. They have them all jumbled up!"

"Shhh," hissed Penny, she had a sinking feeling that things were going irretrievably wrong.

The lights came up and the perfectly coiffed man stood again and spoke of the movie in glowing terms. Sheldon stared at his hands the entire time, as if they were somehow dirty.

"As an added bonus, I think it is a very interesting feature to this movie that we had our own genius helping us develop the technical elements of the plot. He's the second youngest to win the Stevenson Award and one of the leading minds in the world concerning Quantum String Theory and possibly America's leading candidate for the Nobel Prize in Physics."

The spot light found Sheldon brooding. He gave a halfhearted wave, as the polite applause broke out around him. Penny prayed he would behave. At the same time, she was appalled that they were using his reputation to sell their movie. She saw Dr. Gablehauser talking to an intense looking balding older man as they both watched his reaction.

This was not a matter of embarrassing the university anymore this was about Sheldon's reputation, one of the things he held most sacred.

She leaned over as the spot light went back to the man on the dais, and his song and dance about box office projections. "Let's leave, Sheldon, you've made your point."

He glanced up, and she saw a look of determination in his eyes. "I'm sorry Penny," he said quietly.

She felt alarmed. "What for?"

He met her gaze, "For everything."

He stood up and made his way to Dr. Gablehauser and the gentleman with whom he was having an intense conversation.

Penny grabbed her purse and tried to keep up with his long legged stride.

"Excuse me Dr. Stroud."

The balding older man looked up, "Yes?"

"I need you to take me off of this movie as a consultant," Sheldon stated with steel in his voice.

Penny caught the look of success that crossed Gablehauser's face.

Dr. Stroud blinked in shock, then in a low angry tone he inquired, "Do you want to give me your reasons? Or am I just to accept your resignation right here?"

Sheldon did not even wince. "If you want my resignation, I will give it you sir, but I cannot in good conscious be connected with this travesty."

Dr. Stroud's intense glare made Penny uncomfortable but Sheldon seemed immune. Finally the shorter man spoke, "Give me your reasons."

Sheldon held his long fingers counting off his objections. "Where to begin, oh yes, the equations I gave them were for a certain scenes matching up to problems he was supposed to be solving in the movie. Having him say he is solving this equation or working on that postulate when the board does not bear that out is a fabrication.

Schrödinger opposed Nazism at first, then recanted when his position was threatened, then after Hitler fell in World War 2 he renewed his objections to it, they considered him politically unreliable, he had to apologize to Einstein over this.

The love story is not even that compelling, Schrödinger treated women like his harem, his wife was well aware that he had multiple mistresses; she even had a woman friend of her own. In the end, he was openly raising his child by another man's wife, a fact that cost him very prestigious positions later in life, and you are trying to make him into a romantic lead?

He bore in on Dr. Stroud with intensity. "Erwin Schrödinger was one of the most brilliant men that ever lived but let's let this dead cat out of the box, shall we, he was a horrible person! If you get by the protesting women's groups, and holocaust survivors, all that you have left willing to see this movie are scientists and historians, which will pan the movie when they realize the math is not right, and they have rewritten his domestic situation to make him more likable. This movie is going to flop harder than a cornstarch and water mixture on a sub woofer and everyone here knows it. Take my name off sir, or I will take my objections to the press myself. I will not keep a position because I am willing to say anything to anyone like some hack scientists I know."

He glared at Gablehauser, "Speaking of which, your attempt to fire me tonight will not meet with success, because I am quitting. Good day sir."

He stalked off and left them standing there like the stunned aftermath of a bombing. Others who were around them and heard the diatribe were putting the scripts down and making movements for the door.

Penny was certain that this movie was not going to be made at this point.

Dr. Stroud looked thoughtful. "Young lady I have an important question for you."

Penny felt uncomfortable. "Me? I really don't know anything about this sir."

He smiled, and his face became kind. "This question is about young Dr. Cooper."

She was about to tell him she did not know Sheldon that well, but in these last days she believed she had acquired more knowledge then she ever thought possible. "Sure, go ahead…shoot."

The man studied her a moment, "Who is Dr. Cooper? The dapper man I saw earlier, who was moving around the floor like he was born to it, or the man who was willing to sacrifice a promising career, because he would not overrule his own conscious?"

Penny felt the weight of the question and realized there was more riding on her answer than she could fathom. She thought of Sheldon, and told the truth.

"The last man you saw. That was the real Sheldon Cooper. By the way he's always right. So your movie's a turkey. Just don't tell him I told you that, he would never let me live it down."

Dr. Stroud smiled. "I thought so."

He turned to Gablehauser. "Why is one of the most brilliant and honest Physicists in the world giving you his resignation, Eric? Is there something you want to explain to me?"

Penny crossed her arms and settled in to watch the show. She had a hunch it was going to be entertaining.

-

There he was on the salon just off the Terrace. It was in earshot of the music and party goers, but quiet enough to think. He was sitting on an ottoman with his arms crossed staring at the floor.

Her heart went out to him. He had been doing so well, but she knew he was getting overwhelmed. She debated just taking him home.

He looked so handsome in that tuxedo, so elegant. At the same time, he still had that Sheldon stiffness about him, like someone trying to assimilate into an alien culture that mystified him. If anything, it made him even more attractive to her. She had been around so many men (like those jerk actors in that ballroom!) who moved effortlessly through crowds without any problem because they had the emotional depth of a mud puddle. They expected to be adored, and appreciated. Here was a man who saw that crowded ballroom as a minefield, carefully navigated with no knowledge of when it would all blow up under his feet. He came anyway; he mingled and did his best to be human, all the while so painfully self aware he could not relax for one second.

Her decision made, she called out "Sheldon? It's time to go sweetie."

He turned slightly, she saw him in profile, that cold guarded Sheldon was back as if the man she had glimpsed on the dance floor never existed. "The party is scheduled to last for another hour or so. Why don't you make some contacts who could help your career. Since mine is now over. I insist, go back inside. I will await you here."

She sighed and rolled her eyes, "How long have you known me now, Sheldon?"

"I can give you the exact chronology if you want me to be specific," he replied.

She smiled. "Well, you should know by now what happens when you insist I do something."

His lips quirked in the approximation of a smile, "Normally the probability increases that you will do whatever action is most against my wishes."

She crossed the room and sat down in the chair behind his ottoman. "Bingo."

He turned around on the ottoman, his head bashfully lowered. "I have something I need to tell you."

She sighed. "I know you do."

He glanced up confused. "How long have you known?"

She traced his jaw gently, "That you've been keeping a secret? You've got more nervous ticks than a Lyme Disease research facility, sweetie."

He made the connection; causing him to laugh in that odd little giggle snort. "You remembered?"

Penny smiled. "Of course, I wound up Googling Lyme Disease later after we talked. Once I knew what that meant I thought the joke was funny." She lowered her face to catch his eyes, "What do you need to tell me Sheldon?"

He fidgeted with his cuff links for a little bit, carefully composing what he was going to say next, she waited.

"That night you don't remember. Nothing happened."

She relaxed, for the first time in days. "Oh, I'm so glad."

He looked hurt, "I guess I should not be surprised at your relief."

Penny laughed. "I'm not relieved because I didn't sleep with you, I'm relieved because you didn't sleep with me."

He looked extremely confused. Then he recited one of her lines back at her. "Sweetie, you think you're explaining yourself, but you're really not."

She gave him a light smack on the cheek for being a smart ass.

"Sheldon, your first time should be with someone special," she informed with a smile, "you are one of the smartest men in the entire world, and you deserve someone just as special, not a dime-a-dozen actress who can't even get a call back for a hemorrhoid commercial!"

The look he gave her was a mixture of amusement and bewilderment, "I was attempting intercourse for the first time with someone special. I have tried numerous ways to show you how important you are to me. I offered to help you pack. I gave you my favorite Flash t-shirt because you liked it so much. The only reason I submitted to the entire ordeal I have been through this week was to escort you to this party. I changed everything, my mannerisms, my dress, my social tendencies, and all the time knowing this outcome was inevitable. What is it going to take you to realize that I care? Me tattooing your name in Old English script on my buttocks?"

"That would be a good start," Penny said smirking.

Sheldon looked perplexed, "Tattoo artists use needles, I'm not too fond of needles, is there a viable alternative?"

"Sheldon?"

"What Penny?"

"Sarcasm."

"Oh!" Sheldon stated as stared off to the side, "you think I'd get the hang of that sometime."

Penny gave up. She had been fighting these feelings the whole week. She let it out in a sigh.

"Sheldon, what did happen that night?"

Sheldon looked relieved as if he was finally releasing the burden he had been under the entire week. "I went to the bar because you were scheduled to work. I was going to ask you to stay around a few days to come with me to this party."

Penny nodded encouragingly.

He sighed, "I never expected you to come get me. When you did, and you took me home, I realized I was not ready to say goodnight. Therefore, I faked losing my key. I think being drunk might have helped me lie more effectively."

Penny nodded. She had suspected this much.

He got a pained look on his face. "We were sitting on the couch and you had a sufficient amount of alcohol in you to make you pliable, so I decided to see if I could interact with you in a more bio-chemical manner."

Penny sighed. (So you got me drunk, then made a pass at me, come on Sheldon just tell it like a human!)

He started studying his hands. "I leaned in to kiss you, not expecting you to respond, but you took the initiative. I should have known you would."

Penny smiled. "Yeah, I'm a big ole five, remember."

He nodded. "You proceeded faster than I anticipated, then you stopped, because you said I looked terrified. You stated that I was not ready for this. Then you asked me if I would just lie down with you, because you didn't want to be alone."

Penny saw him start to fidget. "You mentioned you didn't have any non-sexual sleep clothing and wanted to borrow my shirt. I was nervous at first then you pointed out that you had rubbed Vapor Rub on my chest so you had seen it before. I thought your argument was sound, so I let you have it. I went to change into the pajamas I had with me, you asked me to leave the shirt off, so I obliged."

Penny smiled in a way she hoped was encouraging. "Your underwear got turned inside out, how?"

He blushed. "I did not know the protocol for "lying down", so I changed into clean underwear, my level of inebriation must have interfered."

Penny laughed, she could not help herself, and she knew it was embarrassing to him, but it took her a few minutes to get it under control.

He was smiling sheepishly.

Penny finally got enough control to ask him, "Is there anything else you want to tell me?"

He suddenly looked like he was in deep pain. She sobered up immediately.

"What is it sweetie?" she said brushing his hair away from his forehead.

"I lay there with you for hours, wishing I could just touch you. I couldn't even bring myself to brush the hair from your face," he murmured studying his hands. "I want to love you, Penny, I just don't know if I can. I might be able to manage an equivalency, or an approximation, but actual intimacy may never be in my grasp."

He looked up and met her eyes; the look in his was so tortured she nearly had to look away. "This is me, Penny, this is all I am, and this is all I have to give, would it ever suffice?"

When faced with moments like these Penny always thought of movies. "Do you remember Rain Man?"

He looked utterly confused, but analytical Sheldon took over. "Yes, Dustin Hoffman did a passable portrayal of a man with Autism; I believe he won the Academy award."

She nodded. "Remember when Raymond and Charlie said goodbye, but Raymond couldn't reach out of himself to hug his brother?"

Sheldon nodded.

Penny leaned in and touched her forehead to Sheldon's.

They stayed there for a while; she was not sure how long.

"Is this my answer?"

"Figure it out, genius."

"Oh, okay I heard yes."

She leaned back, she had to wipe her eyes, Sheldon offered her a handkerchief. She used it while composed herself.

"Oh and by the way, Dr. Stroud wants you to come to his office Monday morning so Dr. Gablehauser can apologize. He said your resignation is not acceptable.

Sheldon looked confused as he waved to her to keep the handkerchief. "Did I miss something?"

Penny smiled happily. "Yeah he was happy someone had the guts to tell him the truth, as it turns out, that's what saved your hide. Being yourself."

His shoulders straightened up and he got his arrogant Sheldon look in his eye. "I guess I should have assumed as much."

Penny rolled her eyes.

Sheldon stood and offered her a hand up. "Well since you are stubbornly refusing to make some connections to further your acting prospects, I guess I'll accompany you home."

Penny felt an evil grin touch her lips. "You've been such a good boy tonight, I was wondering if you wanted to stretch those super villain muscles, Sheldor.

He peered at her out of the corner of his eye; a sly smile touched his lips. "Are you proposing a rare Hero/Villain crossover event, Queen Penelope?"

She smirked. "I am proposing that there is a large number of gigantic inflated egos right through those doors in bad need of a rusty nail."

He smiled, one of the first unfeigned ones she had seen tonight. "So you're turning me loose?"

Penny gave him her brightest smile. "I'm saying; let's cause some tears and therapy bills before they kick us out."

Sheldon nodded eagerly. "I'm in full agreement."

Penny poked him in the shoulder. "Be sure you get into character."

"Mua-ha-ha."

"That's my boy!"

* * *

_**Next Time...**_As Sheldon and Penny begin their new relational paradigm, will Leonard stand in their way?


	7. Chapter 7

Wow! Last Chapter was so well received! I was astonished by the response. I knew that Sheldon's confession affected me deeply, but I as very happy to see that I was not the only one. Truth is, he surprised me too.

This chapter had been cooking for a while and I had written parts of it but I just could not get the elements together in my head. Last night I came upon some revelations.

Leonard's response is not what I thought it would be, but now that I have written it I can't see any other way for him to respond.

I also added an Epilogue as an extra added treat to me, and to the readers.

I in no way feel that it's cannon, but I feel it puts a nice bow on this very wonderful writing experience I have had.

So thanks for your encouragement and I hope this is everything you wished for these two.

Not being compensated...sue away!

_**Bart**_

* * *

**The Big Bang Theory**

**The Reverse Pygmalion Paradox**

**Chapter. 07**

_**Three Weeks Later Friday 4:48pm**_

Penny was cleaning her apartment, a task that she tried to get around to at least twice a week now.

Having a boyfriend with OCD and a lack of understanding of personal boundaries made this a necessity. She found, finally giving in after one of Sheldon's rants, that he was correct about cleaning being easier when done on a schedule. Of course, she would never give him the satisfaction of telling him so.

Her phone rang. It was not her personal ringtone for Sheldon. (Franz Ferdinand's _I'm Your Villain, _of course!) She checked it out of curiosity.

The caller ID said _Sheldon's Kryptonite._ (Sheldon's mom!)

She picked up it up eagerly.

"Hi Mary!" she said with a smile.

"Hey there, Penny. How are ya?"

Penny settled onto her couch, she was anticipating this call. "I'm just fine Mary, how are things in Texas."

"We're doing just peachy. You wanna keep chit chatting, or get down to brass tacks sweetheart?"

Penny grinned, (Sheldon got more than his eyes from his mother!) "What's on your mind Ms. Cooper, did you get those pictures I sent?"

"Why I sure did. I have to ask you something though. Missy keeps telling me that those pictures are of you and Shelly on a date, but I wanted to make sure."

Penny thought about that night. "Yes Mary, it was definitely a date."

"My Shelly went on a date! Thank you Jesus! You two looked comfy."

Penny lay down on the couch with her feet up. "We were."

"Did he behave himself?"

Penny had to laugh a little at that. "No, Mary, he didn't!"

"I was wondering because there seemed to be some pissed off people in those pictures with you."

Penny glanced up at her entertainment center where her growing collection of Sheldon/Penny photos was starting to sprout. The very pictures Mary held in her hand were in the middle in a place of honor. Sheldon had his arm around her shoulders in several of them, she was laughing, and he had that half grin which for him meant he was having a good time. In the background of their table were some glowering, angry people. Shortly after they had those pictures taken by the roving photographer, they were asked to leave.

"Which people in particular?" Penny asked.

"Well there's the cheap looking blond across from you in one."

Penny smirked, "Oh, Sheldon had just mentioned to her, that his sister stopped dying her hair blond because it was getting to déclassé for a trailer park."

"That was rude."

Penny sighed happily. "Yeah it was."

"What about the beefcake in this one. He looks ready to come across the table."

Penny had especially enjoyed that one. "Oh, well that's Rand Barkley right after Sheldon told him all the diseases you can catch from improperly stored socks, since someone (namely me) informed him that Rand likes to stuff his pants."

"You did call Shelly down for that one, right?"

Penny rolled her eyes. "I promise, next time I see him."

"What about the older gentleman with that inappropriately dressed young girl?"

That one was Penny's favorite. "Well that was my fault. That man you're looking at was a director I've worked with before. (The bastard fired me when I wouldn't sleep with him!) I introduced him, and who I thought was his granddaughter to Sheldon. Sheldon corrected me though. He informed me they couldn't possibly be related, because the only physical similarity between those two was that they both had implants…Oops."

Penny could hear Mary chuckle through the phone. "That's my Shelly, always making friends."

Mary paused. "He did look real nice though. I tell you when his father, God rest his soul, put on his bolo tie and shined his boots, I felt like a lucky girl!"

Penny smiled. "Nice? Lady, in Nebraska, we would've said he looks like good breeding stock!"

Mary laughed. "I'll keep my fingers crossed!"

She got off the phone nearly a half an hour later. (Mary did like to talk!) The relief in the older lady's voice was obvious. She was so happy that her Shelly had found someone who not only put up with him, but also would keep him in line as well, (Or at least attempt to!)

She thought about the last few weeks as she ran a duster over the top of her shelves.

-

There had been some wonderful times. Like when they signed up for ballroom dancing lessons, giving her a permanent slot in Sheldon's schedule that was just for the two of them.

Then again, there had been some setbacks.

She had slammed the door in his face a few times. One time in particular earlier this week, she had stormed out of his apartment after he made an offhand comment about certain things she was not capable of, because of her lack of testosterone.

She got in his face and informed him, "Yeah you've got testosterone alright, but that means you can be castrated…easy! Keep pushing it!"

She had stormed around her own apartment for an hour afterward mad at herself for even trying to love that arrogant chauvinist pig.

Then there came the knocks at the door.

"…Penny…Penny…Penny."

She had yanked the door open ready to let him have it, but he stood there with a red rose in his hand.

"Is that for me?" she asked him suspiciously waiting for him to screw this up.

"It is common, is it not, for a suitor to offer a member of the family _Rosaceae_ to his partner at the beginning of a Tango? That is the dance we are due to start at dance class tonight according to the curriculum," he said hopefully.

Penny tried to stay mad at him. She tried to tell herself he was just doing this so she'd keep their schedule, but the thought of his arms around her during a Tango, had her taking the rose, and telling him, "I'll get my keys."

It had not been easy, but she decided that nothing important ever was.

Several things had come out of that week after she woke up with Sheldon in her bed.

She stopped drinking and partying.

She reacquired her love of acting that she had lost, and she even found a new way to go about the craft.

Sheldon had simplified his _social interaction subroutine_ formula so that she could use it to help her with her character mannerisms, which had produced dramatic results. (Pun intended.)

She was currently working on portraying Eliza Dolittle for a Pasadena Playhouse production of _Pygmalion,_ a part that she got easily, no callback necessary.

When the director asked her where she got the training for that spot on cockney accent, she had blithely replied, "Oh I have a boyfriend with an IQ pushing 200 that picked up a phonetics book, taught himself the science in four days and has been coaching me. Well, when he's not doing that whole "figuring out the fabric of the universe thing."

He gave her a strange look.

She now had an appreciation for classic cinema, which had pleased Keebler to no end!

She had taken to movies shot before 1970 almost to the exclusion of anything modern. (Planet of the Apes was currently in her DVD player, a compromise with Sheldon. He was into the science, but for her, a young shirtless Charlton Heston…woof!)

She and Samantha managed a lunch date at least once a week, and their friendship had picked right up where they left off. This time there was some ground rules about boyfriends. It helped that Sheldon was at present incapable of cheating. Penny and Sheldon had tickets to attend a Kestrel fashion show at the end of the month. Sheldon had politely declined the offer to be one of her models.

Speaking of fashion, Sheldon was back to his comic book t-shirts but Penny had managed to diversify his closet a little bit with some polo's. She did that not to change him, but to help him expand a little. She had also taken to heart some of his suggestions, and had put some more conservative outfits in her own closet as well. In addition, Sheldon was doing both their laundries now, she definitely could not complain about that!

-

_**Friday 6:26 pm**_

She sat down wearily, and checked the watch Sheldon gave her, so he would always know they're synchronized. She tried to be irritated that he wanted her to be more punctual, but she decided that, in his own way, he was just trying to stay connected to her, and that was sweet.

She was not looking forward to tonight.

She would be happy to see Sheldon, of course, but Leonard would be lurking somewhere nearby.

Oh it was not what Leonard was saying that worried her, it was what he left unsaid. Several times in the last couple of weeks, he had objected to Penny coming over for no good reason. Sheldon was oblivious to what was going on under his nose but Penny was not going to let it stand.

She and Leonard had flirted around with dating, going so far as to almost sleep together that one alcohol-ridden night in her apartment, but she had never made a commitment to him, and had never made it official. Why he would be possessive of her was beyond reason.

She was willing to let it go because Leonard was her friend, and the only true friend that Sheldon had. After Leonard had left the apartment the night before when Penny came over, she had decided it was time for her to go "junior rodeo" on his passive aggressive little ass.

Sure enough, 6:30 on the dot she heard some nerd squabbling coming up the stairs. She waited until they went into 4A so she could hear Raj talk. It was a rare privilege. She had often felt tempted to spike his drink so she could talk to him face to face, but then again when he got a little tipsy, he made Sheldon look polite!

She gave them a few minutes to settle in before she walked across.

Leonard was in the kitchen as she entered and he shot her a glare but then hid by getting out some plates, pointedly turning his back to her. She tried to keep the anger off her face. (All right friend, your times a coming!)

"Hey everybody," she called out.

"Hello, Penny," said Sheldon with a genuine smile she had been seeing more of lately.

"Why hello you luscious lady from 4B," said Howard with a creepy smile, "you come over to see Howie?"

Penny gave Howard a look she had been working on in the mirror. It was the most wanton and sultry porn star pout she could create. She saw his eyes widen as she walked over and ran a finger down his jaw. "Why yes Howard, I've been thinking about you all…day…long."

"Really?" Howard stammered.

Penny grinned, "No, not really. Hey there, Raj."

Raj waved at her weakly, before going back to his study of the floor.

"Aww," Penny crooned, kissing him on the cheek, "you are so precious, I hope you can get over yourself some day without having to get plastered.

"I'm available to talk, no alcohol necessary," Howard said as he butted in.

Penny winked at him. "Yeah sweetie, but I'd need the alcohol just to talk to you, and I swore off drinking."

Raj rewarded Penny with a shy smile at her dig. Howard shrugged and took her rejection in stride. That was the only thing she admired about Howard, he might be clueless, but he never took it personally.

They food was distributed and they all dug in with Penny taking her usual seat beside Sheldon.

He had a burger and onion rings, fixed to his exacting specifications, but he slyly pushed an onion ring over to the edge of his Styrofoam take out container. She plucked it up and munched it smiling, as Raj and Howard freaked out. (They had prearranged this little display before hand; the Queen Penelope/Sheldor cabal was still active!)

Raj leaned over and muttered things in Wolowitz's ear for a solid three minutes. Howard nodded that he got the message then turned to Penny and Sheldon. "Dude what the hell?"

Raj glared at him, then nodded eagerly.

Penny smiled and leaned into Sheldon patting his cheek affectionately. "It turns out that Sheldon can be negotiated with."

Howard looked skeptical. "I'm listening."

Penny gave him her must suggestive smile. "All you have to do is sleep with the guy a couple of times and he's putty in your hands! Why didn't you guys think of that?"

Sheldon picked up his pre-arranged line and spoke it with his usual lack of inflection, "As it turns out, I'm easy…go figure."

They exchanged a sly glace before turning back to their food.

Leonard stood up, and went to the refrigerator even though there was no need.

Wolowitz and Koothrapali there too busy gaping at Sheldon and Penny to notice, and Sheldon was…well Sheldon, but Penny took note that she was having that conversation with Dr. Hofstadter real soon before Sheldon got a clue.

They finished and Sheldon was going through his cleaning ritual when Penny got an idea. "Sheldon, sweetie, why don't you take Howard and Raj out for a spin in my car, your test is the day after tomorrow you can use the practice," she told him holding out her keys.

Sheldon paused rinsing the rag out in the sink. "Oh, you might be right," he remarked crossing to take her keys.

"Since when did you learn to drive?" Leonard demanded from his desk where he had been sulking.

"Oh since Penny talked me into going to the go-cart track after I devastated her at put-put. I found that by applying concepts such as inertia, mass and acceleration that driving can be broken down into its constituent elements," Sheldon said proudly.

Penny grinned. "He got passed by a group of twelve year olds on the track and next thing I know, he's Mad Max, I had to drag him away before the mothers got him. He dusted off the permit that night and I've been letting him drive a little bit. As long as he doesn't roll down the window and lecture someone at the stop light he's been doing fine."

Howard and Raj exchanged a look. "This I've gotta see," Howard stated, Raj's eager nod made it a three some.

"Do you want to come as well, Leonard?" Sheldon inquired.

Penny stood and walked over to him turning him and nudging him towards the door where Howard and Raj waited. "No, sweetie, Leonard's busy."

Sheldon resisted a moment. "He doesn't appear to be occupied at the moment."

Penny gave him a firmer nudge. "He will be, go and have a good time."

The sound of the door shutting behind them was like a rifle crack on an empty battlefield. Penny turned and leaned her back against the door crossing her arms giving Leonard a glare of the wattage she usually reserved for Sheldon.

To her surprise, Leonard did not look away but turned in his desk chair to glare right back. (This is about to get ugly.)

Leonard broke the silence. "Ladies first."

Penny pushed away from the door and crossed to him. (Okay, you asked for it. It's Junior Rodeo time!)

"You are the biggest hypocrite I have ever seen Leonard. You have been in two relationships since I've known you, one was a live-in by the way, and you want to be upset because Sheldon finally finds someone to put up with him? In what world does two bad dates and one almost booty call brought on by too much liquor and daddy issues mean that we are exclusive? Can't you get it through that pointy little head of yours that we are better friends then we ever would be lovers?"

Leonard dropped his eyes, so she thought she had won, but when he looked up the fury there shocked her.

"You think you know what this is about, but you have no idea," he replied through gritted teeth.

Penny crossed her arms and gave him a wave that it was his turn. "Go ahead, genius, speak your piece."

Leonard burst out of his desk chair and shocked her back a couple of steps.

"I have been Sheldon's friend for three years Penny. I have put up with his craziness, his nutty little hang-ups and with his sheer arrogance for a lot longer than you have. In the time we've known you, he's slowly inched out into the rest of humanity, just because he wants to be close to you. If you break his heart that's it, he won't be able to do it again!

How do I know that some muscle bound evolutionary throwback with pectorals of steel and a jaw like the prow of an icebreaker, won't sweep you off of your feet and break his heart completely? I'm his only friend Penny, I will be picking up the pieces for the rest of his life and mine, while you're off with yet another Kurt.

He gave her the full brunt of his glare, but she could see the desperation behind his anger, the terror there. "I want to know, that you are aware that you're messing with one of the greatest intellects on this planet. Because, if he's just another one of your phases…we'll probably lose him for good. "

Penny was stunned. She walked over to the couch and sat down heavily.

Leonard, his anger spent stood where he was. He looked back to his passive self, and apologetic. "I'm sorry I said it that way, but Penny I've got to know the answer."

Penny felt like crying, but Leonard was right. She needed to answer this for herself. She thought of Sheldon, and spoke the truth.

She looked up and met Leonard's eyes. "I don't know the future, Leonard. I don't know how long I'll be able to stay by his side. He pushes me away, almost as much as he pulls me close. I don't even know if he's capable of loving me, but I do know he wants to, more than he's ever wanted anything."

Leonard found a carton of tissues and offered her one; she did not even realize she was crying. She took one gratefully and dabbled at her eyes. Leonard, dear sweet Leonard, was giving her time to compose herself. She wondered how such a great person could have come from that frigid ice sculpture Beverly Hofstadter, but she was grateful that he did.

She finally found the strength to look up, and the compassion she saw on Leonard's face gave her the strength to finally say, "All I know is if I broke his heart, I couldn't live with myself. I make him happy, I don't know how, or why, but I do. He makes me feel like I could do anything, because he challenges me everyday just to stay close. If he's never able to do anything intimate, then I'll just buy a couple of Ozzie and Harriet beds and a vibrator, because I can't live without him."

Leonard's eyebrow cocked at that. "A vibrator, really?"

She glared and smacked his shoulder.

He was laughing and she joined him soon after.

The timing could not have been better because they heard an argument coming up the stairs. Raj was participating from what Penny could hear. Leonard held out his hand for the tissue, it was a simple gesture, but it spoke of an understanding reached. She composed herself and handed it to him, her hand pausing in his for a moment as she let him see her gratitude. Leonard gave her that shy smile and turned away.

Sheldon came into the apartment looking happy with himself.

"How did it go," Leonard inquired.

Sheldon did that little hitch he only did when he was happy with something he had done. "I think it went rather splendidly."

Howard and Raj walked through the door looking as if they had seen the inside of a blender on frappe.

They walked over to their seats and sat down heavily.

"That was the most terrified I have ever been in my life," Howard announced.

Penny glanced at Sheldon who was humming as he sat down to his laptop to check email. "Why, what did he do? Was he driving too fast, or too reckless?"

Howard went into storytelling mode. "Oh he was driving fine, well below the posted speed limit on one of the most aggressive roadway systems in the world, but fine! We got flipped off by a grandmother and her bridge club!"

Raj made a gesture vaguely the size of King Kong.

Howard nodded, "Oh yes, we must not forget the stop light lecture incident with the man driving an SUV roughly the size of Burbank!"

"You're exaggerating," Sheldon called over his shoulder, "It was the size of Malibu, at best."

Howard grimaced. "I'm fairly sure his hood ornament was a gilded CHP officer!"

Raj made the sign of the cross. Howard nodded. "Oh by the way, Raj converted to Christianity just in case. I would have, but my mother would kill me."

-

_**Friday 10:52 pm**_

Penny was sitting on her couch watching the end credits of Planet of the Apes. (The statue of Liberty! Holy crap on a cracker!)

Sheldon's head was on a pillow in her lap, he was sound asleep.

She idly brushed some hair from his face as she stopped the video and turned off the television.

Seeing him there so peaceful reminded her so much of that first morning, that it was almost jarring.

So much had changed inside her in that moment that she awoke beside him. She knew deep down that from that moment on, playtime was over, it was time to grow up.

Leonard's accusations came back to her. He had a right to be worried, judging on her past actions, she had zero taste in men, and she had picked some doozies.

How could she explain to Leonard what changed inside her in that moment with Sheldon, she still did not know herself. All she knew was what she told Leonard. _I make him happy, and he makes me feel like I can do anything._ Was that going to be enough? _Would it ever suffice?_

Sheldon shifted in his sleep and his hand found hers and held on.

She intertwined her fingers with his.

She thought about their relationship before that night, how they always seemed to find each other's orbit. Even when they were in the midst of heated combat, they could not stay away. There was something that they had inside them that fed off each other, that drew strength from the conflict and the struggle, the tougher the better. It might be just the fact that he was a Texas boy and she was cornhusker to the core, but Penny had a hunch it was something simpler.

They were both too damned stubborn to admit defeat.

"You better keep fighting Sheldor, or Queen Penelope will kick your cute, geeky ass," she said tenderly.

She settled in, reaching over to grab her Pygmalion script that they had been going over earlier.

_Would the world ever have been made if its maker had been afraid of making trouble? Making life means making trouble. _

She had read that line the other day, and it still rang true_. _

She smiled as she sat down her script.

She decided to let him sleep, he did not have work tomorrow. Besides she was not going anywhere.

* * *

**Epilogue**

**16 years later…**

Penny turned from pre-heating the oven to see her eight-year-old daughter carefully adding the ingredients as she used the mixer expertly.

"Mom?"

"Yes, Tess?"

"Why don't we use Bourbon marinated raisins like Nana Mary's recipe calls for?

"Remember when your Uncle Howard spiked the punch at your Uncle Raj's wedding reception and your dad wound up playing show tunes on the piano the rest of the night?"

"Right, no Bourbon raisins."

"That's my girl!"

She really did not have much to do except put the cookies on the sheet. Tess was already a better cook than she was anyway. That was one of life's little joys living with fraternal twin geniuses. Speaking of which...

"Honey, why do you have a flashlight?"

Tess flipped a blond bang out of her face and gave her mom that cryptic smile that could mean anything or nothing. "I like to be prepared."

Penny was immediately suspicious. "Prepared for what?"

Tess smiled. "I can't tell you."

Penny crossed her arms and gave her the angry-mom look, but she knew it was pointless because Tess was immune. "You're not going to tell me are you?"

Tess sampled a bit of the cookie dough with a second spoon and shook her head. "Unlike daddy, I want to work for the government someday."

Penny sighed. "Yeah, you'll probably be on the team that's stopping your brother from taking over the world."

Tess smirked, "Stopping him would take all of twelve minutes, just set up set a sting at a comic book convention."

Penny grinned at her. (Girl Power!)

She and Sheldon had decided not to tell Nick that his sister actually tested higher than he did. They had really tested her on a whim, thinking she was the normal one. When Penny asked her later why she let her brother take credit for being smarter, she just rolled her eyes as if her mom was being dense. "He's a boy, he needs it."

_Speaking of Nikola Leonard Cooper, I wonder where he's gotten off too?_

"Tess, can you handle things, I need to find the boys."

Tess nodded licking the batter off her finger.

-

She wandered down the hallway toward the back of the house, and Sheldon's Lair. That was what she dubbed his office.

She needed to have a talk with him anyway. She plucked some emails off her own desk just off the family room for reference.

She stopped at the thick wooden door, and knocked.

"…Sheldon…Sheldon…Sheldon…"

"Enter," came the reply. She rolled her eyes, and went inside.

He was sitting at his desk still in his white shirt and suspenders, his tie loose, shirt opened to reveal the Batman symbol underneath, contemplating yet another grease board covered with calculations.

His graying hair had stopped receding in the front and thinned out to create a bald spot in the back. She walked up behind him and kissed it, wrapping her arms around him.

He was still lanky, but a doctor's visit three years ago had caused him to take a lot better care of himself. His father had died relatively young from heart disease and Sheldon had high cholesterol. He took up running as obsessively as he did everything else, Penny did her best to keep pace supporting him, with both of them pushing forty now, they were in the best shape of their lives.

He now wore stylish round rimmed glasses and had grown a nice mustache two years ago when he took Gablehauser's old job so he would look more authoritarian and less like a grad student. Penny did not mind at all, when he was activating a Clark Gable _social interaction subroutine_ the mustache fit into the act, which made things...interesting.

"What have I done now?" he asked in an amused tone.

"I have an email here from Leonard."

"Here we go."

"Did you call some potential Cal-Tech investors; let me check to make sure I get this right, a bunch of imbecilic Labradoodles who should stop piddling on the carpet of science and make a significant contribution to the future of mankind?"

"I see no fallacy in that statement."

"Honey it was rude."

"Okay, I'll write a letter of apologia, will that suffice?"

"It's a start."

"What should be my excuse this time? Undiagnosed Tourettes, low blood sugar, stress related aphasia?"

"How about I am a socially inept super genius who has no governor in my head that lets me know when I am being a colossal Ass Hat?"

"Is Ass Hat a compound word?"

"Never mind, I'll write it."

She just stood there with her arms around him for a minute enjoying the closeness.

"Do we need to invoke the, you're-being-cute-I-want-you, intimacy clause?" he inquired slyly.

Penny smiled, "Tonight after the kids go to sleep."

"I'll mark it in my planner," he said reaching for the leather folio.

She swatted him. "We need to talk about your son."

Sheldon swung the swivel chair around to give her an exasperated glare. "What happens to the genetic code in our offspring, that whenever our son gets into trouble, he becomes exclusively mine?"

She shrugged. "He's got your ADD, and your childhood penchant for destruction, he did not get those things from me."

Sheldon cocked an eyebrow in that old infuriating manner that made her…well hot for him but that would not help her in the argument. "All he got from you is a stubborn streak that would make a hinny envious."

Penny gave him a blank look. "Heiny?"

He rolled his eyes. "Get you mind out of the gutter woman, hinny is a female mule."

Penny smiled, walked over and sat down in his lap. "Oh I thought you were making an offer."

He smiled, and suddenly he his expression became that of someone else. "Frankly, my dear Penelope, there is no need to make an offer when your credit is this good."

They kissed and lost the room for a while, the negotiations would have gotten a lot more fun, but the lights suddenly going out stopped the proceedings.

There was a light shining under the office door followed by a careful, precise knock.

"Mom, Dad?"

"Yeah, Tess?"

"I think the lights are out on the entire block."

Penny leaned into her husband's arms. "What are we going to do with that boy?"

"Well for the short term, I propose we call the power company and tell them to get another transformer ready," he replied in the dark.

The office door opened and Tess walked in. "The residual heat in the oven was enough to insure the cookies finished, if you want some."

Penny had an idea. "Ok let's light a fire in the fireplace, and gather some candles and the cookies and have family time in the living room."

Tess grinned like the little girl she was. "Cool!"

She stood to go find some candles and find Nick. She would have to put his punishment off for another time. Sheldon was a push over so she would have to implement it as usual. Sheldon held onto her hand for an extra moment, she turned back and smiled before they let go.

-

She held the little boy in her arms as he slept. His close-cropped brown hair was sticking up in the back in that cowlick they never seemed to get rid of. When he was like this, he was most her little boy. Awake he was a hyperactive fact spewing mini-Sheldon who was likely to turn a coffee maker into a bottle rocket launcher and put a round through the principles new Maserati. (For some reason the man did not carry genius insurance and the event did not qualify for the act-of-God clause, so that had been expensive!)

When she had gone up earlier, she found Nick in the attic crawlspace and the remains of their vacuum cleaner in his room, converted to a miniature collider that had, according to Sheldon, created a feedback loop, which had fried the neighborhood power grid.

She knew there were going to be some angry neighbor visits to fend off tomorrow.

However, that was tomorrow, right now at this moment, there was a precious brilliant little boy in her arms, who could not help that he was a walking disaster waiting to happen. She understood Mary Cooper more and more every day.

On the couch beside her was Sheldon with Tess asleep in his arms. She was a daddy's girl through and through, and heaven help the boys when she got old enough to notice them, with her intelligence and her mom's green eyes and curves, there would be some carnage. Those who survived the interrogation of her father that is.

The lamp on the table behind Sheldon and Tess began to flicker on, but Sheldon reached back and turned it off. They shared a moment of understanding between them.

She often contemplated how she got to be here, loving husband, wonderful kids (when her little boy wasn't inadvertently wreaking havoc.)

Her career was successful, as the most respected teacher of British Classic Repertory acting on the west coast. She had never won that Oscar, but she had students mentioned in the running most years.

She had good friends.

Howard and Samantha Wolowitz. (Howard found the only woman who was more disgusting than he was at her and Sheldon's wedding. It was a match made in civil court!)

Rajesh and Shashi. (She was a shy Bollywood actress that came to Penny for lessons to make the transition to American cinema, and had met Raj at Halo5 night. They spent the rest of the night not talking to one another, and something had clicked.) They moved back to India, but came to visit often because Shashi's string of successful western movies kept her with roots in Hollywood.

Oh and she must not forget Leonard and Leslie.

Her eye found the Nobel Prize on the mantle. It had two names on it, a fact that Sheldon had lamented often. Leslie and Sheldon in an effort to make peace for Leonard's sake collaborated on what they thought would be a dead end project, which turned into a paradigm-altering find.

Their acceptance speeches had been memorable.

Leslie's had been to the point. "I just want to thank the voters for finally acknowledging my contributions to science, and for permanently linking my name to an overrated, self-important East-Texas blowhole. Now I'm sure dumb-ass has some people to thank.

In the stunned silence that followed, she turned the podium over to Sheldon. Sheldon had cleared his throat and said, "I thank you Leslie for that stirring introduction. The only consolation I'll have throughout the years of staring at my desecrated trophy, one that proves that no matter how incompetent, anyone can rise above their limited intelligence if paired with significant genius, is that you will never have the full enjoyment of this accomplishment. It's the little victories that make the difference."

Penny and Leonard had exchanged a look them made for the exit.

Now Leonard and Leslie had a girl and a boy. The little girl, Leah, and Nick had to be kept separated at all costs, but Liam, their little boy, had a crush on Tess that was endearingly cute.

They sat there in the flickering light, Sheldon's long fingers found her hand, and they intertwined.

It was not perfect, this life they shared, but it was so damned close as to not matter.

* * *

_**Thanks for reading!**_

_**God Bless**_


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